Deliciously Naughty

The Ugly Side of the Sex Industry

This will be the final post on New Orleans.

If you missed hearing about the trip because you were busy over the holidays, here are the other posts that are specifically about the trip and our sexy adventures there.
Greetings From New Orleans
Drunk
Take Two
Out-stripping a Stripper

Sexyhusband and I had been so very dissapointed by the Bourbon Street strip clubs that we decided to check out some of the clubs off the strip.  It was also recommended by a reader that they might be a better pick.  So on New Years Eve, before we ended up at a place called the Rock N Bowl (perhaps the most fun and random experience of the whole trip---it's truth in advertising--20ish lanes of bowling, a bar and a stage/dance area all on the second floor of a strip mall--and the bowling continues right through the concert) we decided to try the off Bourbon clubs.

Two were still closed around 6/7pm.  Granted, the early hour was going to affect our experience, but especially with the huge crowds in for the Sugar Bowl, I was shocked that of the three clubs that were open, two didn't have girls onstage.  The final club was the most depressing strip club experience of my life.

The woman dancing in the third club was a cautionary tale in vivid living color.  She was older than the average stripper-maybe she was in her 30's but looked 40.  She was obviously drunk or high, and the way she clung to the pole as she shifted from kneeling to standing was painful to watch.  Her hair had grown out to the point where the line of demarcation between bleached blonde and natural dark was just another marker of what kind of life she must lead.  Even the few ones that she had tucked over the strap of her bikini string hung listlessly as if they, too, had been dragged down a bad road and were waiting for life to come and finish shredding them. 

There was something tragic about her.  I wondered how she'd ended up there.  Had she, in her prime, been one of the 19 year olds I've had fun flirting with?  Had she done pole tricks and banked real lettuce in her 20's?  When did she start overindulging in whatever she was on?  Was there someone abusive in her life?  What course of events had led her to this dingy club on the fringe of the French Quarter, where she knelt on a sticky bar and fingered herself through a flimsy, pilly bikini bottom?

I ended up tipping her out of pity, and then dragged Sexyhusband out of the club.

It's easy for me to roll my eyes at those people who rail against the sex industry and say it abuses women, chewing them up and spitting them out into the gutter.  I, after all, know providers who chose and enjoy what they do.  I've met strippers who are banking college money (for real, and not just as a line).  I know women who gleefully embrace work in the sex industry and see it as empowering instead of the opposite. Until December 31, 2007, I had never encountered the stereotype, and I hadn't realized how sheltered I was.

As sad as it was, I'm glad that I saw her.  It's important to have an honest and genuine understanding of what the sex industry can do to you.  She's the reason I want to tell those young girls who are minting every night down the street to not blow their cash on purses and shoes and hair extensions and to save it so that when they want to get out they can.  This was a woman who was not going to get out until she was forced out, and I wonder what will happen to her then.

I still don't agree with my philosophical opponents.  I do still believe that the industry can be empowering.  I will concede, however, that it isn't true for every woman.

Playing with Fire

Sometimes fantasy isn't enough. 

Part of me wishes I had woken up to the grey areas of sex and sexual transactions before I was married.  If we go back five years, before I'd met Sexyhusband, I knew that I had no real trouble getting laid, but I never would've imagined I could get paid for it.  I never really read escort ads, and my only real knowledge of the sex industry was through strip clubs and the late night viewing options on various premium cable channels.  My image of a sex worker was someone much skinnier and with bigger tits than I.

I was wrong.

In the past year especially, I have spent a lot of time reading through escort ads, review sites, and escort blogs and they all basically have proven to me that size has no real impact on your ability to escort, although it may affect pricing.  Because of all this, one fantasy has begun to dominate my masturbatory sessions---the experience of being a call girl.

Now, no one needs to tell me about the negatives.  I read Compartments, Note for Rent, and a slew of other current and former sex worker blogs.  I understand the many negative impacts it can have on your life.  Which is a major reason I'm not sure I will ever go through with the fantasy, or at least not more than once or twice.  I don't think I have the right mindset to do it as a career (although the money is tempting-I would probably only have to work 20 hours a month to clear my current salary at a fair market value for my time).

Recently, I've been getting my jollies by writing escort ads, posting them, and reading through the responses.  I have, on a few occasions, even picked a guy to correspond with for one or two emails further, stopping right before I'd have to sends a screening process email followed by a rates/requirements email.  I've also never gone so far as to schedule a date.

I'd like to say that I'm not sure why I'm drawn to this fantasy.  The truth is that I've always had a deep fascination with those who accept cash for sex.  As a historian, a major area of study for me has been women and sexuality.  Women have always gained power through their pussies (or by denying their pussy, as Elizabeth I did).  Famous mistresses and courtesans like Veronica Franco (the life dramatized in the movie Dangerous Beauty) or those of Louis XV of France have always drawn me.

Deep down, I know I'm playing with fire.  I only wonder how long it will be before I take the leap or get burned.

Since when is stripping news?

I haven't been paying a lot of attention the news lately.  Yesterday, a story on CNN's website caught my attention.  "Stripping for College Credit" trumpeted the headline.  Intruiged but wary, I clicked the link.  I was rewarded with Jenny Heineman's story.

The short version is that she was abroad and discovered the "underground world of sex workers."  To legitimize her interest in this world, upon her return to the US, she decided to become a stripper and write her thesis on her experience, which you can read part of in the above link.

Ms Heineman is getting a lot of airplay for this "daring" and "revolutionary" exercise in academic justification of a personal interest.

Yawn.

As an academic, the first thing that caught my eye is that she only got a "B" on the thesis.  For the unintiated, a B is a perfectly respectable grade, yes?  Not at all.  If you're going to apply to grad school, you'd better have an "A."  The "B" grade is a consolation prize-a weak effort. 

Reading the text I was able find online, I have to say that I don't think she had any new questions or brought anything new to the table when it comes to the gender/sex equation.

So why all the fuss?  Well, she's a slightly nerdy looking girl with her glasses on (who works at a coffee shop by day) and a fairly attractive stripper by night (and you can see all her tatoos--shocking!).  This makes good airplay.  That she was able to write her thesis on the topic also makes good airplay, especially in the more repressed Midwest.

Personally, if you want an interesting take on stripping, I'd suggest Diablo Cody's book, Candy Girl.

In some ways this piggy backs on last week's article about Media Exploitation of Sex Worker Pasts.  The media likes to take a relatively boring story and sexy it up.

The title of "Stripping for College Credit" while arguably accurate is ridiculously sensational.  I was hoping that some school had added stripping as a gym credit (now there's a class in which I could've gotten an "A" in my sleep with both arms tied behind my back). 

On the other hand, maybe I'm just too jaded.

I suppose it's good that a college could support this as a topic.  Sex work first needs to be mainstreamed and de-mystified before it can be widely accepted as a legitimate career path.  Perhaps it is work like that will help us get there.

Returning to the first hand, it's difficult to see that happening when the media coverage is so shocked and sensationalistic.  All you have to do is watch the clip and listen to the anchor's tone of voice as she narrates the piece.  The clips they chose of the girl and her professor are perhaps not the best or most articulate clips and ending with the girl saying "get to know your local stripper" like a demented cheerleader demeans the whole piece.

One step forward, two steps back, I suppose.

Media Exploitation of a Sex Worker Past

Reading the stories about Louise Wightman, it occurred to me how lasting an impression sex work can have on your life.  Ms Wightman posed as a pyschologist for several years, and has been prosecuted for practicing psychology  without a license.

But.

Every headline, article and news story about her kicks off with two words-"Former Stripper."

Should sex work affect your later life?

I have gone on record before this when the subject was Tericka Dye, a teacher who was fired for having done one porn movie when she was broke and had two small children to take care of.  In that case, I argued that a porn past should have no bearing on someone's ability to get a job in the future.

This case is a little different.  Ms  Wightman was in trouble for violating state law.  You need a valid PhD in Psychology to practice in MA, and Wightman didn't have one.  She was punished.  End of story.  What bothers me is that her status as a former sex worker was the consistent lead in, although her past as a sex worker had no relationship to the content of the story.  Unlike Dye, Wightman's past as a sex worker was totally unrelated to the larger story.

It seems too easy to dismiss this constant referencing of her sex work as a rating ploy.  It makes sense, but I wonder if that's really it.

Rather, I wonder if it isn't that we want to punish any woman who steps out of her proscribed role (that of the monogamous sexual receptacle)?  I worry that our society, for all of its propaganda that women can take control of their sexuality, deep down we really do see women as the people who receive sexual advances and either accept or reject them.  We see them as cravers of monogamy.  So when a woman doesn't do that, when she owns her sexuality, and profits from it, it threatens the social norm, and thus must be punished.

I feel Wightman's story was important.  However, her former status should NEVER have been part of the equation.  The insinuation was that she was dishonest because of her past.  A stripper is a dishonest person, so a former stripper would have no problem screwing over the public?

I'm angry because I feel as though this helps set a precedent.  If you point out a person's sex worker past (or present) it then allows you to dismiss anything they say or think they have little to no ethics.  How does sex work translate to low morality?

It's important to call these sources on this.  Keep an eye on your news and anytime you hear "fomer stripper" (or sex worker) question if that status actually has any bearing on the news.  When it doesn't, write an email to the editor/producer and complain.  Hold the media responsible for the messages it's sending about sex workers.

Update on the Phone Sex Thing

I don't have a lot of time to post today (as I'm on a borrowed computer--new laptop arrives in a week and half or so) so I thought I'd just do a quick update on the post where I was pondering the pros and cons of being a phone sex operator.   I did actually go as far to apply to a company, buy a land line, and set up a second phone line, but I didn't get the job.   Sad.  (I am, however, open to all offers of comfort)

After a lot of thought, I decided to postpone applying to other companies until the summer.  Right now I'm doing a lot of rehab on my back (I had surgery about 5 months ago, and the recovery process has been slow).  I'm also boning up studying up on Math so I can skip  into a higher course in the fall when I return to grad school.  I have a BA in history, a Masters in Teaching and I'll be finishing up a second Masters in Math Education.  You can call me a slut (and I'd like it) but you can't call me dumb ;)  I'm also working on the second draft of the novel and various short stories.

So, yeah...kind of busy right now and I feel like adding the phone sex operator thing to the plate would be easier to do when I don't have to get up at 5/6 am on a regular basis.

Phone Sex Operator DN?

I've been considering becoming a phone sex worker as a part time gig for some time.  I have a very sexy voice (except during allergy season when I sound like a longtime smoker) and I spent a great deal of time in college perfecting my phone sex technique with various men.  Sexyhusband has no issue with the idea, or the second landline the job would require.

So why have I hesistated?

1-The vacation.  I've known that the vacation would happen for almost a year now, and I didn't seriously start considering the phone sex gig until early December.  It seemed stupid to start applying and not be in the country for my interview(s). 

2-My day job.  Even if I were outed as a sex blogger, there is a chance I could retain my job.  If I were outed as a phone sex operator, the odds dip considerably in the other direction.  Weighing this sends me into the same spiral that my posts on the teacher who was fired for being in one porn movie and "more on teachers and sex"  did.  The worry, the anger, and the pessimism spiral together making me overanalyze every aspect of every thing until I have a headache.  It's hard to be a sex goddess with a migraine. 

3-The time commitment.  I'm returning to work after a 4 month health related hiatus (I had an injury that required surgery and recovery) this month.  I want to keep working on my novel and short stories.  I want to up the quality of writing here.  Hell, I'd even like to see my husband and friends some times.  Oh, and shop for shoes among my other occasionally shallow interests.  Do I really want to devote 15+ hours a week to a second job?

I'm a relatively cautious person when it comes to my sex life (unless alcohol or late teens/early twenties hormone poisoning was involved) and my professional life.  Those three concerns have occupied a great deal of my time and energy.  They're the cons, if you will.  So let me share with you the pro side of my taking on this new challenge.

1-I have felt for some time that I could have made a great call girl.  However, I am not comfortable with becoming one at this point in my life.  I feel that doing phone sex is a safe way to explore that missed opportunity without being physically unfaithful to my husband.  I'm fascinated and intruiged at the idea of playing a character on the phone who's sole purpose is to get guys off.

2-It's a turn on to consider my various possible personae.  I sound relatively young, so I could easily do the "I'm barely legal and oh-so-horny" thing with no problems.  I have been both dominant and submissive and could do either on the phone.  There are plenty of others.  I've masturbated to the fantasy of answering the phone in the various personae.  I think that doing phone sex could actually up my sex drive.

3-It would be great entertainment.  Having worked in the service sector I know how dealing with the public can often provide great amount of entertainment.  Among my favorite stories is how a guest once called the front desk I worked at and asked what the light was.  It took us several moments to figure out that she was talking about the lightening.  We told her, and she asked us if we could do something about it.  Um, no.  I've also enjoyed various call girl blogposts about emails or calls from johns that were over the top strange or funny.

I have a company in mind to work for.  I have their online application in my favorites folder.  I know which types of scenes I would never want to do, and which I'm less comfortable with but could pull off.

I'm curious to hear your thoughts.  Based on what I've told you, do you think that a part time phone sex gig would or would not be a positive move for me?