Deliciously Naughty

The problems with buying porn overseas

Even when it says all regions, it may not play on your DVD player at home...

Which is why Sexyhusband bought a new DVD player at Target this past weekend...specifically to play the porn we bought in the UK.  The jury is still out on whether this is amusing, sad, or just a *headdesk* moment....

It will probably depend on the merits of said porn....

You better be worth it, Sex Actually

Roundup

I'm going to make this a fast one as the pet drama is still occupying the majority of my emotional energy.  We've made the hard call to put the cat to sleep later this week, and while it's the right call that doesn't mean it isn't one of the hardest things I've ever had to decide.

So...

National Coming Out Day was Saturday....big hugs and kisses to all my lgbt friends.  As someone who identifies as bi, I consider myself a member of the community, and I'm with you in the fight for equality.  I'm hoping for the repeal of don't ask don't tell, doma, and the passage of gay marriage in Maine this fall.  I was sad that I couldn't be in DC for the march with you, but I was there in spirit.  Coming out is often one of the scariest and most difficult things a person can go through, and I hope that the LM grows up in a world where that isn't true...where it is merely accepted as one more aspect of what makes a person who they are.  I promise that no matter who she grows up to love or what gender she identifies as, Sexyhusband and I will love LM.

Sexyhusband's birthday was this past weekend.  I send him big hugs, kisses, and naughty sexual acts once I have the energy.  You get to pick who ties who up ;)  Thank you for being a far more patient and understanding lover than I often deserve on any given day.

OK took their abortion legislation one step further and is now trying to pass a bill that says all abortion providers need to provide info about all abortions they perform, under the guise of preventing sex-selective abortions (where a woman aborts a baby based upon their sex).

Marge Simpson is on this month's Playboy cover.  Apparently it's only a lingerie spread, and it celebrates the Simpson's 20th anniversary...it occurs to me that it would have been more appropriate next year...for the 21rst anniversary?  That it's a lingerie spread is a bit plebian...I've seen far more of Marge Simpson than a lingerie spread on some fairly naughty cartoon porn sites, thanks to an ex who was into cartoon porn...

Question of the week, although it's been months since I've asked...

What's the most interesting sex story (broad definition of sex--sexual politics, sex scandal, whatever) you've seen in the news lately?

Katie Morgan

As I detailed in Saturday's post, Sexyhusband and I went to see Katie Morgan dance yesterday.  We had been good little do-bees and finished our packing for California in time to go to a college reunion event...but decided seeing Katie Morgan would be more fun, so we blew off the reunion event.

Katie was appearing at the Foxy Lady here in Massachusetts, which made it easy to get to, but unlikely to be a great strip club.  Massachusetts, in general, I am sorry to say, has pretty lousy strip clubs.  We only had to wait about 20 minutes until Katie came on, which was great because the dancers were, well..robotic and bored for the most part. 

This is why I like divier clubs, like the ones in Providence because the girls there tend to have more fun with their jobs (or at least put on one hell of an act).  Guys tend to rate clubs based on the hotness of the girls, and I will admit that there was not an ounce of fat, or a less than gorgeous girl in the place, but give me 15 extra pounds or a 7 instead of a 10 who's having a good time and I'll pick the latter every time.

Anyways, when Katie took the stage she was dressed in a sexy cowgirl outfit.  I've seen pink sequined cowgirl hats before and had always found them corny rather than sexy, but Katie pulled it off.  She did a set of 4 songs and gave a performance with a thousand times more energy and sex appeal than any of the girls we'd seen thus far (or would see before the end of the night).  She also joked with the clients at the tip rail and showed off an impressive range of moves.

We waited through several lackluster house girls before Katie came back out to autograph pictures and dvds.  We'd gotten a picture with her when we last saw her that has a limited fridge life (in that we can only keep in on the fridge for so long) because she's showing her tits.  So this time we got one with the top on so we can at least have some photographic evidence of our pre-kids life in our post-kids one.

A fun night, and certainly better than a college reunion event.

Movie Review-"Plus Sized Women"

On Christmas Day in New Orleans, Sexyhusband and I went out to dinner and then tried to figure out what we were going to do that evening.  We went to Harrah's Casino, but neither of us is big gamblers, and after losing 4 consecutive hands of blackjack, I was done.  Bored, I suggested we go back to the hotel room and investigate the porn offerings.

We found a movie called "Plus Sized Women."  I'd love to link it, but our combined Googling efforts have produced zero results, which is sad, because for a plotless porn flick, it was hot.

The women featured in Plus Sized Women were all easily at least a size 20 or higher.  All 4 were sex goddesses I'd be happy to welcome to my bed.

This European import had 3 vignettes.  Two were great and one was lame.

The first vignette featured a sweet long haired blonde with a British Accent.  Sexyhusband and I are both complete pushovers for a British accent, so the accent on top of her attractiveness made us sit up and pay attention. She performs oral, and she and her partner go at it in multiple positions.  This was by far the most verbal of the three vignettes, which is a turn on for both of us.  My only complaint about this vignette was that I found her laugh a bit obnoxious.  The great thing about this scene is that the girl looks like she's having fun with it.  She's smiling, laughing, and having fun, and the camera just happens to be there.  For me, that made it great.

The second clip was the sucky one.  It began quite promisingly, with two girls on a couch playing with a dildo.  Then some dude shows up and ruins the scene.  Basically he fucks one of the girls (good oral scenes if that's your thing) but the other one is pretty much ignored, and sits off on the side playing with a dildo.  She looks incredibly bored for most of the scene, and you kind of feel bad for her-she gets next to no attention other than one or two chances to take a fast turn at sucking the dude's dick before he goes back to fucking her friend.  She occasionally gives a half hearted moan, but there's only so much you can with a dildo in 15 minutes, and she ends up out of the camera range a lot.  We spent a lot of time ragging on this one, especially when it would pan to the girl who wasn't fucking the guy and she'd look bored before smiling and letting out a cry, or you'd just hear the occasional moan from her side of the room.  The fucking from the couple going at it was fairly uninspired.

The final scene was my favorite.  A long haired brunette, with a British accent, wearing a pinstripe bra/panty set and a sparkly jewelry tie (which then inspired me to run out and buy one).  She spends some time with a dildo and then a guy shows up to fuck her.  I found her to be the prettiest of the three women.  Sexyhusband liked that she could lick her own nipples (and I have to admit I was a little jealous of that ability as well). The sex was hot, and inspired us to start going at it, although finding a position where we could both watch was a bit tricky (doggie facing the tv only kind of worked because it hurt my neck to crane my head to see the tv when the natural inclination is to look at the bed in that position).

I wish I could link a place to buy it, but like I said we couldn't find it online.  However, if you're in a hotel in the future and see it, I think it's well worth the $15.

Bad Porn

Sexyhusband was fastforwarding through "Savanna: Jaded" when he stopped just in time for the following line, said oh so earnestly...

"And someday I'll see a movie, and you'll have made it, and it'll be better than sliced bread."

Cue me laughing my ass off.

Sexyhusband..."What?"

I keep laughing

Too bad, because my boy Evan Stone is in this...I hate seeing hot guys in bad porn.

Question of the Week #19

So, this week I want to know....

Do you have a favorite porn movie?  What is it?

Remember, leaving comments is like giving me a virtual kiss.  Let's make out ;)

The New Devil in Miss Jones

I saw "The New Devil in Miss Jones" a few months ago, and it's among the better porn movies I've ever seen.  It's a remake of a 70's flick of the same (minus "New") name.  The original movie is part of the 2 disc set you get when you buy "The New Devil..." but I haven't taken the time to watch it, so I can't really compare.  The movie falls somewhere between psychological thriller and porn, to be honest.

Savanna Samson plays Miss Jones with aplomb.  You watch her descent into madness with equal parts glee and horror.  Glee as she becomes more sexually aware, and horror as she literally begins to fall apart.

Jenna Jameson is the Devil.  Her power suits, commanding presence and bitch goddess attitude in this movie work perfectly for the part.  Savanna's submissive, repressed Jones is a perfect foil for Jenna to play off of.

There are several steamy sex scenes.  Plenty for you to watch with a hand, a vibrator, or a friend.  My personal favorite involves Savanna and a sexy long haired man next to a pool.  Great stuff :)

Perhaps the best thing about the movie, though, is how watchable it is.  Unlike most flicks, which make you want to turn them off once you've come, the acting and the movie quality are so good that you stay interested even after the orgasm's subsided.

I strongly encourage you all to go out and see it.  Or rather, to buy it and spend a few hours having fun at home. 

Movie Review-The Masseuse with Jenna Jameson

Confession-we started the night off by watching "Conquest."  This movie is bad.  Really bad.  So bad that we had to turn it off because we were alternately laughing and going "what the fuck is going on NOW?"  This was not the erotic night we'd planned.  I will share in full detail exactly what I loathe about this movie as soon as I can bring myself to finish it.  Maybe it will redeem itself in the last 40 minutes, but after an hour and ten minutes of depressingly bad porn, I have very little faith.  Readers, if my retinas are scarred by this, remember that I'm going to have done it for you, so you'll all owe me sex toys and erotic books on tape.

So after stopping "Conquest," Sexyhusband and I felt the need to "cleanse our palates" and restore our faith in the porn industry.  So we put in "The Masseuse."

"The Masseuse" was remade in 2004 with the divine Jenna Jameson, her then-husband Justin Sterling, and one of my favorite porn men-Evan Stone, and two other girls.  It's outside the normal range of porn-more of an erotic movie.  It was shot using traditional "movie" film, so it looks like you're watching a movie and not a home movie.

Justin Sterling is a slightly sociopathic virgin who visits a massage parlor.  Jenna is his masseuse.  On his first visit he gets a handjob, and with each encounter, we move towards more explicit sex.  Evan Stone plays his co-worker, who spends most of the movie watching the girl at work who is trying to get Justin.  Sadly, Evan only gets one sex scene.

Jenna is the standout in this movie.  She's not doing that faux acting that is so common in porn, but really acting.  She (and the movie) were so good that it is only the second porn movie I've watched start to finish in one sitting.

A warning-if you're anti-bondage, this may not be a movie for you.  Two of the major sex scenes involve really hot rope bondage, and flogging.  The best part is that we see Jenna as both submissive (in the scene with her and Justin) and as the dominant (in her girl/girl scene, which also features Jenna with a strap on).

On a scale of one to ten, I'm going to go with a ten.  If you like bondage and Jenna (and I like both) you will not regret buying it. 

Dear Porn Industry

Dear Porn Industry,

I know you're busy making hundreds of films every day, so I won't take up much of your time.

I've been watching a lot of porn recently and I've realized several things.  The first being I have a huge crush on Jenna Jameson.  I realize I'm not alone in this, although my husband doesn't find her as hot as I do.  The second thing is that I also have a crush on Katie Morgan, even as I lament the loss of her original breasts which have been replaced by less pretty fake ones.  The third thing I realized is that while they were in one movie together, they have never done a scene together.

To get to the point, dearest darlingest porn idustry, I have a question to ask you.  WHY THE HELL NOT?  I'd pay for it.  Plenty of people would.  Jenna does girls, Katie does girls.  They're both capable of acting as well as a good sex scene.  C'mon, please?  Think it over.  I'll be waiting for your call.

Thank you

Deliciously_Naughty