Deliciously Naughty

Podcast #3-Masturbation

Don't forget to leave questions for next week's podcast in the comments!

Podcast #3 Masturbation

Podcast Text

I'm Deliciously Naughty, and welcome to this week's podcast.

To start the podcast, I'll be answering some questions sent to me by Erotic Ramblings.  He wanted to know what amazing fantasy I had that didn't turn out so well in real life, what could've made it mind blowing, and if I'd try it again under the right circumstances.

I'd have to say that the biggest sexual fantasy letdown I've had is sex abroad.  I told the story back in January on the blog, but I'll retell it here.

When I was 20, I did one of the most stupid things I have ever done, sexually speaking.

I was in Southern France on vacation.  The Queen Bee and I had decided that my vacation wouldn't be complete without some Hot French Sex with a Random Hot French Guy.  I was living with a host family, and I had only one long weekend to go and play on my own.  Therefore, that had to be the weekend I hooked up with Random Hot French Guy.

I took the train to a little town on the Riviera.  I checked into a hotel and then began to explore the town.  I wandered the streets until I heard a guy call down to me.  I looked up and there were two guys on a balcony above me.  One was a little too Fabio for me (longish blonde hair, overly tan, overly muscled) but the other was pretty cute (brown hair, lanky build).  We had some inane conversation with them calling down to me and me shouting back to them.

Then they invited me up.

I went upstairs.

Stupid.  Stupid.  Stupid.

There was a third guy up there in the bachelor pad.  They offered me alcohol, which I took.  They offered me a joint, which I declined.  Then Fabio (who was the least hot of the three guys, at least to me) made some gesture towards the bedroom.

I had a moment where I considered leaving.  Cute guy didn't really seem into me, the third guy was just stoned, and I just wasn't attracted to Fabio.  But it was my one chance to nail a French guy.  My desire to not have sex with Fabio warred with my self inflicted shame at the idea of going home chaste.

I went into the bedroom.

We started to get naked.  Fabio stripped down to....a speedo bikini brief.  A red speedo bikini brief.  A bikini brief so red it is still seared into my retinas while the particulars of Fabio's face have long since faded.

I asked myself again if I really wanted to fuck this guy.  I didn't.  But we're naked and I've never been in a situation where I'm naked and don't want to fuck.  So I took the easy way out without actually having sex.  I blew Fabio. 

The event was blessedly short. 

Fabio got up and told me that he'd be right back and I should stay there.  He walked out and I lay there for a moment pondering exactly what I'm going to do, when the hot guy came into the room.

Hot Guy reaches down and grabs his dick through his jeans and raises an eyebrow at me.

Disgusted, I get up and finally leave.

Stoned guy is still sitting there toking and doesn't even look up as I leave.  (Waiting his turn?)

I speedwalked back to my hotel.  When I got into the room, I began to shake, realizing what could have happened to me.  I have never been as stupid when it came to my sexual safety as I was that day.

The lesson?  Listen to your instincts.  My instincts were telling me to get the hell out.  I didn't and I'm lucky that all that happened was a blow job I didn't really want to give.

What would've made it mind blowing would have been the absence of Fabio, and if Hot Guy had put the moves on me first.  I think if I'd met a guy in a club or a bar and gone home and had one on one sex instead, it also might have been great.

Would I try it again under the right circumstances?  Well, I wasn't married at the time so that certainly does change the landscape a bit.  I would consider having a threesome with a French woman without a second thought.  Sexyhusband has said he's open to the idea of a threesome with a guy, and I doubt he'd care what nationality the guy is.  One on one sex with another guy would be a difficult to negotiate, and I doubt I'd like the terms.  Were I single, I would certainly try to hook up my next time abroad.

The idea of a deep British voice whispering naughty nothings to me (or Italian, or Irish, or French, or Russian, or Brazilian, or Jamaican...well, you get the idea) is so hot that I'm glancing longingly at my vibrator right now.

Great questions, and keep them coming!

This week I'd like to talk about masturbation. 

They say that no one can love you until you love yourself.  Obviously the actual meaning of this saying is something different, but I'm choosing to interpret it sexually.  Masturbation is key to learning what you like or don't like.

As a teen, especially with all the hormones raging, I think it's a much better idea to encourage self discovery than for them to jump prematurely into sex.  It also allows for sexual release without any chance of pregnancy.  I remember being a high school sophomore in '94 when Dr. Jocelyn Elders (the Surgeon General at the time) was asked whether it would be appropriate to promote masturbation as a way of convincing young adults not to have sex, and she replied, "I think that it is part of human sexuality, and perhaps it should be taught."  She lost her job over what is perhaps the most sensible on-record comment ever to be made about masturbation.  But then we get back into how fucked up US sex education is, and I can only beat that dead horse so often.

As adults we use masturbation for many results.  I personally do it if I'm having trouble sleeping, if I just want a fast orgasm, if I'm bored, to relieve my menstrual cramps, if I'm horny and no one's around to do something about it, if I've read something or seen something sexy that's got me in the mood, to kill time, or because I haven't in awhile.  Sexyhusband uses it as a substitute for when I'm not in the mood, to relieve stress, and for many of the same reasons I do.

Even in a committed relationship, masturbation is important.  Yes, your partner is now your primary source of sexual fulfillment, but they shouldn't be the only source.  It's significantly more common for women to stop masturbating once they're in relationships than for guys, but my theory is that it's because there's a certain stigma to it.

Off the top of your head, how many euphemisms can you think up to describe male masturbation?  I know I can think of 10 to 20 without any effort and probably could spend all day listing them.  Now what about women?  I can think of only a hand full.

For women, orgasm wasn't the goal of intercourse until the 20th century.  The goal was to get pregnant, period.  At least for the "good girls."  In the 20th century, most of the memoirs I've read have said that male manipulation of your clit was the way to keep your technical virginity, but I haven't found a lot of memoirs (other than Confessions of a Failed Southern Lady) that mention it as an end to itself.  This isn't because I think they weren't doing it, it's because it wasn't something that you could talk about.  The sexual release of the 70's opened the floodgates, as it were, to a discussion of female orgasm and sexual satisfaction.

I was lucky enough to grow up hearing songs like "Express Yourself" by Madonna and the much more explicit "Touch Myself" by the Divinyls, along with songs Prince, Salt 'N Pepa, and other acts that advocated and normalized self-love and sexual openness. 

This did not, however, make me more open about masturbation.  I discovered the clitoral orgasm by accident with a shower head, and thus began a torrid romance with it.  I abandoned my former lover for my right index finger once I realized I could have a more intense orgasm that way.  But these sessions were in the bathroom with the door locked, or in my bedroom with the door locked and my covers up to my chin.

A point of weirdness-I still prefer to masturbate under the covers.  It irritates Sexyhusband to no end.

A big fan of more bang for less effort, I found my first BOB (battery operated boyfriend) in college.  It was a purple, hard plastic vibe, and I adored it.  I adored it so much that I killed the poor purple passion provider within six months.  I went back to the store, and discovered two things that would change my life forever-the rabbit and the silver bullet. 

The silver bullet allows me to be laziest about masturbation.  I just lay back, position it snugly against my clit, tighten my thighs to keep it in place and roll the intensity dial.  I rotate my hips, close my eyes and plunge into fantasy.  I've got it down to a science where I can come in less than 5 minutes, which rocks if I'm in a hurry.  I can also string it out for some time, if that's the goal.

The rabbit requires more concentration, direction and loving care, but in return gives me multiple orgasms.  I have the model with the rotating pearls, and once I'm coming and my body is clenching, the pearls stimulated the g-spot, sending me onto my second, third and sometimes fourth orgasms.  I've come so hard from my rabbit that I've almost blacked out.  Because of this, I couldn't help but snicker at the episode of Sex and the City when Charlotte gets a rabbit and pretty much refuses to leave her house.  I could relate.

I think perhaps the best thing about masturbation is that it's selfish.  There have been many a time during a sexual encounter when I've gotten off and my partner is taking awhile to finish, and I hate to confess it, but I get bored and just want it over with.  Sex with another person requires that you take their sexual preferences and fantasies into account even if they may not always be your favorites or what you're in the mood for.  In fact, nothing can kill the mood more than if one person is in the mood to be called a dirty little slut and the other person is in the mood for gentle loving sex.  You HAVE to sync up with your partner.  Masturbation gets rid of all that.  You indulge in the fantasy you want for as long as you want and then you stop. 

This is not to say that I prefer masturbation to sex.  I'd give up masturbation if I had to pick between the two.  When you're single, there are points where masturbation can make you feel lonely, especially if you're not a virgin.  When I was a virgin and masturbation I'd fantasize about what it would feel like to have a man inside me, on top of me, touching me, but I didn't really know what it felt like.  When I hit a dry spell, it could be hell at times because I didn't really want a vibrator, I wanted a man.  Sure, I would occasionally turn it into a one night stand, but those weren't ultimately satisfying-more like you're starving and masturbation is bread and water, and a one night stand is a box of Chicken McNuggets when what you're craving is a nice juicy steak.

In the end, masturbation can run the gamut from not terribly satisfying to incredibly satisfying.  It can allow you to work through fantasies to see if they actually turn you on, or to explore fantasies that you wouldn't go through with in real life, or to relive old favorites.  It can provide release and enjoyment.  It is however, in the end, the most reliable method of sexual satisfaction.  Unless you've broken in, your hand will never not be in the mood, and there's something to be said about that.

This has been a Deliciously Naughty Podcast.  Have an erotic evening.

Podcast #2-Tips on Writing Erotica

I'm taking questions for next week's podcast...just leave them in the comments section.

Enjoy-I think we solved the volume issue (although partially I had to speak louder which I'm concerned is less sexy).

Listen to Podcast #2-Tips on Writing Erotica

Before we get into today’s topic of writing erotica, I want to answer two of my reader’s questions.

Wendy wanted to know exactly what a podcast is.  A podcast is an audio post that you can listen to here on my site by clicking the play button, or that you can download and play on your iPod or other listening devices that support mp3 files.  I decided to start trying podcasts because I like listening to them, and because it gives me a chance to play around with the idea of talking about sex as a job before jumping into phone sex this summer.

Vir Modestus wanted to know if there was a porn equivalent to Netflix.  There is indeed.  The first and cheapest option is youporn.com which is a porn equivalent to youtube.  It’s a lot of amateur stuff, clips from movies, anime, and the like.  The bonus is that it’s free and immediate gratification.  AVN (Adult Video News) has recommended wantedlist.com for the past three years as the best video rental site.  The monthly cost is between $23 dollars a month for 3 and $43 dollars a month for 8 at a time.  Youporn is obviously international, and WantedList is US only.

I’m holding Erotic Rambling’s questions for next week.

Leave any questions you’d like answered in the comments section here or email me at the link below my picture.

Now, onto this week’s topic.

I was surprised by the number of people I have talked to, instant messaged and emailed who have said that they’d like to write erotica but can’t.  Granted, some people are more gifted writers than others and it comes more easily to them, but then some people are more gifted with numbers.  That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be able to calculate a 20% tip for your cab driver or figure out how much interest your bank account will accrue this year.

I wrote my first piece of erotica in February or March of 2002, which I submitted for publication on Literotica.  I have long since taken it and several of my other first pieces down.  The earliest piece that’s still up is Among the Stacks, which I wrote in July of 2002.

So all in all, I’ve been doing this for five years with varying degrees of quality and success.  In that time I’ve learned some valuable tips which I will pass on to you.

In school, your teachers tell you to write for an audience.  Generally that audience is your teacher or your classmates.  In college and graduate school it might be for the publication committee of a trade journal.  In your work life it might be your boss or your client.  Certainly if you’re writing professionally, you write what you think the audience will respond to and purchase.

The nice thing about erotica, at least amateur erotica is that the only audience is you.

You aren’t writing to get a “hot” rating on Literotica.  You aren’t writing to make money from Penthouse.  You’re writing to get yourself off.

How to begin?  My best advice for getting started is if you have a laptop, take it to bed with you, or wherever you feel sexiest.  If you’re a woman, I highly recommend wearing sexy lingerie to help get you in the mood.  If you’re a guy, I’m told silk boxers are a great stimulant.  If you have a desktop, just try to get as comfortable as you can in your chair.  You can light candles or put on music, if it will help.

Open up a word document and close your eyes.  Think about the fantasy that plays through your head most often.  Not the politically correct one, but the one that gets you off hardest and most often.  Let it begin to play out, and feel free to play with yourself.

Then stop, open your eyes and begin typing.  Don’t worry about spelling and punctuation the first time through.  Just get it down.  Talk about how hard your cock feels, what her pussy feels like when you enter it (or her mouth or her ass, or his mouth and his ass for that matter).  Talk about the circle of men that surround you and run their hands over your body.  Fuck the clichés…they’re cliché for a reason and it’s your fantasy.

As you type, your body should be responding.  I’ve never written erotica and not gotten wet from it. 

Write in the first or third person, whatever works for you.

You may have to stop and masturbate to orgasm to finish or you may type all the way through and then pounce your significant other.

Get the scene on paper and go away for a few days.  Then go back and edit your spelling, punctuation, grammar and whatever else you want to do.

Your first few pieces will most likely be vignettes of sex.  Slowly go back and add to the story both before and after.  Why are your characters doing what they’re doing?  What happens next?  Are there consequences for their actions?

If you want to share your stories, I’d recommend Literotica.  It’s a free site, and they’ll publish damn near anything with the exception of sex featuring those under 18 (for legal reasons) and bestiality.  The quality of the stories ranges from very low to practically publishable.

A word to the wise—for the first few stories, don’t take feedback unless you can handle the good and the bad.  For every nice comment, there’s a troll or two lurking.

When you have a written piece, it’s great for rereading to yourself to get yourself off.  If it stars a loved one, sharing it with them could make them feel loved and special.  Sexyhusband adores the two stories I’ve written for him and is eagerly awaiting his third story.  It’s also a good way to open up a dialogue between you and a partner if you have a fantasy and you’re not sure how they’re going to react.

Erotica, in the end, is about making yourself happy.  You are the only person the story HAS to arouse.  It may not work out the first time, but as with all skills the only way to become a better writer is to write.  Eventually you will find your groove, and when you do, I know you’ll find as much enjoyment from it as I do.

This has been Deliciously Naughty and that’s this week’s podcast.

Question of the Week #12

I've been thinking a lot about the podcast, and when contemplating what I want to do with next weekend's podcast, I thought it might be interesting to do a segment where I answer one or two questions a week. 

I'm comfortable with sharing stories about my life, giving advice (I have been trained as a sex educator), and answering more general questions about sex, sexuality, and all the acoutrements of sex.

So-this weeks' QOTW---What question(s) would you like to hear me answer? 

*Sorry there's no new post today (Monday 3/13)--Sexyhusband and I ended up on an impromptu date night (which was lovely) but it's now past my bedtime.  I'll do two posts tomorrow (probably Sugasm and a "real" post).

Episode #1-Sex with another woman

Today's podcast discusses the first time I ever had sex with another woman.  The text of the podcast appears below the link to listen to it.  I had to edit a little (I tend to speak in long run on sentences that overuse the word "and" a bit) but it's almost verbatim.

Feedback would be very appreciated.   I want to know--do you want more, how did you find the sound quality, or anything else you want to share.

One thing about sound quality--it is a little echoey sounding because the mike I used sucked and we had to mess around with the file to make it louder.  We're buying a new mike tonight in hopes to not have to do it in the future. 

Podcast #1

Hi this is Deliciously Naughty, and you’re listening to my first podcast. 

                                                                                                       

I’ve given a lot of thought and even tried a few times before this one trying to decide what I was going to talk about and I think I’ve finally decided on a good topic: the first time I ever had sex with another woman. 

Now, I have to preface this by saying that the first girl I made love with was not the first girl I’d fooled around with.  In college the Queen Bee and I had fooled around in my dorm room one night before going out clubbing. I had then briefly dated a girl my junior year in college but it didn’t work out and we’d made out, we’d fooled around a little, I think we’d even fingered…but apparently it wasn’t that memorable. 

But there was another girl, and it was complicated because my close friend from high school, Movieguy, had met this girl in college and he thought we’d have a lot in common.  We did.  We had quite a few interests in common.  Including each other.  As we became friends, this sexual tension began to build.  It was made more complicated by the fact that Movieguy and I had some unresolved stuff.  He’d been my first kiss, and we’d made out quite a bit in high school, but we’d never had sex.  I’d never even given him a blow job.  And so there was this weird triad of sexual tension happening.  Because they were dating I couldn’t act on the tension that I was more interested in acting on, which was with the girl involved.  We’ll call her…Moviestar, for lack fo a better name at the moment.  And so Moviestar…Moviegal.  And so movie gal and I would never act out this sexual fantasy. 

And then they got engaged.  Great.  Now I was never going to nail her.  He asked me if I was interested in a threesome with them.  How do you say, “no not really, not in a threesome, but can I fuck your girlfriend, fiancée?  Could I?  Please?”  Not going to go over well.  Create tension in our friendship.  He wouldn’t let her anyways.  So, alright game over, right?

Apparently not, because a few years later they broke up.  He and I had had a falling out for other stupid reasons that have long since been resolved.  So, I go over to Moviegal’s apartment, and she’s newly single, and we have dinner, we watch a movie, we talk.  We talk some more.  The tension builds and builds and builds.

And then I’m put to bed on the couch.  And she goes to bed.

She’s laying 9, 10 feet away from me on the other side of the wall.  And I’m laying on the couch. I’ve been getting wetter and wetter all night long.  My heart begins to pound in that way where you think it’s going to just burst out of your chest if you don’t do something.  I lay there and I knew the door was open.  I knew I could walk through it.  I knew that I could have anything I wanted.  If I could just find the courage to ask for it.

I lay there, my heart was pounding.  My clit began throbbing in the same rhythm, and it was torture.  I could hear her moving on the bed, the bed springs creaking softly. 

I finally just said, “fuck it.  I’m going to take the risk and risk rejection because maybe she won’t say no.”  I knew she wouldn’t say no, but I can psyche myself out pretty easily.

So I walked through the door and I said “Moviegal?”

“Yes?”

“I don’t want to sleep alone.”

She opened the covers and I climbed in.  She kissed me.  It had been years since I had kissed a girl.  I was reminded of how different it is to kiss a woman.  Their skin is so soft, their lips are so full, your breasts rub up against their breasts, and it’s incredibly erotic.  She tangled her hands in my hair and pulled me close.  We began to kiss.  Clothes went away.  I don’t know how, I don’t remember any of that.  I just remember that it felt like one moment we were clothed and one minute we were naked.

Her breasts were, are, larger than mine.  She’s at least a D cup, maybe a DD even.  I’m only a B, so I was fascinate and wanted to play.  I spent quite a bit of time touching, stroking, licking, biting, just playing with her breasts before moving down.  We were in unknown territory.  I had played with myself, I’d touched other women’s clits, but I’d never gone down on a woman.  But by this point I knew how amazing it feels to have someone go down on you and to do it well. 

So I went down.  I took a deep breath, and I poked out my tongue and I licked and she moaned.  She moaned in a way that made me want to lick again.  And so I did.  I was hesitant and unsure, but the more that she moaned my name, the more confident I grew.  And I could tell from how responsive she was, how wet she was, that she was liking it.

So I began to lick her more firmly, more confidently.  My tongue traced out the alphabet on her clit because when a lover had done that to me, it had just about killed me with orgasms.  And I slid a finger into her, looking for her g-spot.  Her hands fisted in my hair to the point where she was pulling my hair a little too hard.  I asked her if she wanted me to stop and she was most emphatic in her desire to have me not stop.  So I kept licking, licking, and licking as she moaned and moaned and began to scream.

I’m sure her neighbors loved us.

She couldn’t take anymore, and I began to kiss my way back up her body.  I was unsure if I should kiss her again or not.  But she had no hesitation.  She pulled me up against her, and she licked her own juices off my mouth and off my face, and sucked my tongue into her mouth, which was incredibly erotic.  She began to kiss me, and to play with me and to touch me.

In many ways, it was one of most unique experiences, sexually.

The thing about being with someone of your own gender is that they get it.  They get it intrinsically.  They understand that sometimes more pressure is better and sometimes less pressure is better.  That the area around the clit can be just as sensitive as the clit, and can sometimes be better to touch because sometimes the clit gets too sensitive.  They understand what it feels like to have someone to manipulate your clit, to lick you nipples.  Working only on instinct, I think it’s easy to be a very good lover to someone of your own gender.

I could’ve gotten addicted to Moviegal, except for one thing.  She didn’t have a cock, because she was a woman, obviously.  And that was when I sort of figured on that on the straight, bi, gay spectrum, I’m certainly near bi but I’m not so bi or closer to lesbian on the 1 to 10 scale (if you want make the argument that it’s a 1-10 scale) that I would’ve been happy with just Moviegal.

Of course there are toys, there are always ways to bring that particular body part into the sexual act.  But the problem is that I love the feel of a man on top of me.  I love feeling him enter me, the feel of his hips grind up against me, and having a woman’s fingers on my clit, no matter how good they are, no matter how good her tongue is, I just felt like something was missing.

So while I could never be exclusive with a woman, I’ve very very lucky that Sexyhusband is more than happy to occasionally let me indulge in my enjoyment of other women.  The threesome that we had in December was amazingly erotic, because I got to be with another woman, but I also got to be with my husband.  It was sort of the best of both worlds.  Not something I’d want to do every day…threesomes are a lot of work.  But I think that I like having a man involved enough that while I could probably go and fool around with another woman again, it’s just not as appealing as a threesome or sex with my husband.

Certain scenarios of course do lend themselves.  The sexy games scenario would allow me to make out with both men and women and play with both men and women, maybe fuck both men and women.   But unfortunately, well, not unfortunately (especially for Sexyhusband) men are intrinsic to my sexuality, and my first time with a woman taught me that.

This has been my first podcast, I hope you liked it.  If you did, or even if you didn’t, please leave some feedback in my comments section and let me know if you want more.

Thanks a lot, and have an erotic evening.