New Article at Carnal Nation

When Getting Pregnant Isn't So Easy

The new article is up, and it's the story of a friend of mine.  Her husband is trans and they are struggling to get pregnant...I think it's particularly an interesting read if you've never thought about the struggles of those who are lesbian/gay/transgendered when it comes to fertility.

Go read and come back and comment, or add a comment there.

Comments

[Curvaceous Dee]

That was a fascinating article. Please thank G and S for being willing to share their journey. While I am child-free by choice, everyone should be able to make their own choice - and I'm sorry it's been such a challenge for them to conceive.

xx Dee

[Christina LMT]

I wish them the best of luck!

I do have a question for you, when you say that no state has insurance that covers surrogacy, do you mean the fees for the gestational carrier herself, or the medical costs of the procedures and delivery?

I was a surrogate mother in Nevada, and the health insurance provided by my place of employment did cover my prenatal care and the delivery, even though they were well aware that I wasn't carrying my own children.

[DN]

Dee--I know she'll be happy to see your comment. She reads this blog :)

Christina

I meant that insurance does not, to the best of my knowledge (and I'm hardly an expert) cover anything like agency fees, or whatever other fees the receiving parents might be responsible for. It's awesome that Nevada covered your medical expenses, but it's my understanding that it's not common--that the usual fees are agency fees, covering all of the fertility methods used to create the embryo and then place it in the surrogate and hospital fees.

Nothing I've read indicates that gay male couples (or any couples going this route) would be reimbursed for costs in the way that the states that cover IVF and fertility treatments cover the cost of sperm, as in G & S's case.

I'd love to be wrong about this, believe me, so if you have any sites or information you can direct me towards, I'm very interested in reading further.

Please do elaborate on your experiences.

[G]

Thanks Dee, and Christina. :)

It's been a challenge, but I am (sort of) grateful that we knew all along that we'd need to go to a doctor to get pregnant. Getting that news after a year of failure (which is very much what it feels like to try to get pregnant and then get a period) sounds like it would be much worse than how we came to seek fertility help.

Talking about it is cathartic. It's been great to be able to finally tell my family something besides "We're trying, be patient and stop telling me to relax." Now they know it's a serious problem - we're doing IVF (I start injections the day after tomorrow) and I can talk to them about what's going on if I need to.

And thanks (again, and publicly) to DN for sharing my story. Not many people would get the mood of the journey as well as the basic facts so close to the actual experience! :)

If/when I have good news I'm sure she'll share it with all of you. ;)

Cheers,
~G

[Christina LMT]

Well, it was quite the long process, becoming a surrogate. I had thought about it for years, because I enjoy pregnancy but definitely didn't want any more children of my own. I thought I was too fat, though. Which for most of the agencies I contacted was true. Then I saw a local ad that didn't mention BMI at all and contacted them. I received a huge application packet and started the ball rolling.
There were many trials and tribulations along the way, but finally, on July 9th, 2007, I had a boy and a girl via c-section, for a wonderful couple originally from West Africa, but now based in London. Surrogacy is not legal in Europe! Can you believe it?
I was not a traditional surrogate, the couple used donor eggs and the husband's sperm, and three embryos were transferred into my uterus. Two of them took!
I developed gestational diabetes during the pregnancy, which was no fun. And the agency neglected to pay a hefty bill from the perinatal specialist, which I only found out two years later, when I was sued! Luckily, my lawyer was able to get in touch with the parents and they settled with the doctor's office, otherwise I'd have been on the hook for the bill. (I was the patient, after all. The doctor doesn't care that I'm technically not financially responsible.)
I would still do it again in a heartbeat. I loved the experience, and being able to help parents BECOME parents is truly magical.
I never had any kind of longing for the babies. I knew from the beginning they weren't mine. I liken myself to a bus driver. I'm driving along, keeping my passengers safe, and when we arrive at our destination, I wave good-bye to them as they go on their way. :)

And it was really nice to be able to go home from the hospital and get uninterrupted sleep! No feedings, no diaper changes, no crying.