Breaking Up With Our Therapist

So recently Sexyhusband and I broke up with our couples counselor.  It wasn't an easy decision to make and it was far more my choice than Sexyhusband's, but once I was really unhappy, it was the right course of action to end the relationship.

Something our counselor said early on really bothered me, and I think was one of the biggest reasons that I became dissatisfied with our relationship with him.  He stated that he didn't think the way we'd set up our relationship was realistic (that SH works and I'm home with the Little Mistress).  Without going into detail, I will just say that we are lucky enough that from a financial perspective it does.  I certainly wouldn't mind going back to work in the future...in fact, I actively want to, but there are many reasons that it doesn't make sense at the moment.  I felt like there were many points where that opinion colored the advice he'd give us.

The second issue was that he kept pushing for changes that one or both of us were unwilling to make.  Sure, I'd LOVE it if SH got up early on the weekends and gave the LM and myself more time.  I would genuflect to the universe if he did it.  But to be fair, he gets something like 5 hours of sleep from Sunday night through Thursday night.  In his position if anyone tried to wake me before noon at the earliest on the weekend, there would be violence.  So I grudgingly understand where SH is coming from on that. 

The third is that there were several occasions where the session made a bad thing worse.  In one case explosively worse when if we hadn't had a session, we would have stepped away and been better able to handle the disagreement or whatever far better than what happened in the session which was to in essence push each other buttons far more, making the fight bigger.

So in the end, he was the wrong person to work with.  He had good intentions and good insights, but the relationship did not work. 

Obviously this doesn't mean we're dumb enough to think we're cured.  We need to find someone new, who Skypes (there are dr/patient confidentiality issues in our home country), who is open to and familiar with open relationships and BDSM and who understands and works with the nonnegotiables in our relationship. 

Back to square one.

Comments

[Musns]

Good for you for a)realizing it was not a good fit and b)ending it. Going forward you'll know that if you get red flags, to follow your gut and stop. I've had experience with awesome and terrible therapists. It's hard to find a good one (especially a couples one, since you have 2 personalities that need to mesh with the counselor) but persevere...you will.

((hugs))