Not about sex...

So it's clear that posting here has been a bit spotty in the past week or so.  Partially it's due to the whole National Novel Writing Month project (I'm in Chapter 8, at almost 17,000 words) but the other thing that's been slowing me down is the return of my period. 

I'm going to talk about it, but for those men or the faint of heart, I'll give you a gratuitous picture and the chance to get out of here...

Today is the first day of the Indian New Year (Sal Mubarak, by the way) and in honor of that, the following shots were taken after I got bridal mendhi.  It took 2 women four hours each to do this.  And then I had to sit veeeeeeery still and not let any of the wet mendhi touch anything else (which meant holding my fingers spread and not resting my arms on anything) for a few hours while it dried.  The results are gorgeous, but wow can the process of getting pretty like this boring.

Everyone squeamish gone?

Good.

This is the first time I've gotten my period since the miscarriage and the D&C and boy was it gross.

Let's start with heavy as hell.

So heavy that the following statements were made around my home...

"So I called the ob's office today because I thought I was hemmoraging.  Turns out it's normal."

and

"I've seen less blood in a Quentin Tarantino movie."

and

"So I got up off the toilet and a blood clot the size of my thumb landed on my foot."

and

"The blood seems to be slowing.  One can only assume that means I have no more blood left in my body."

So the first point is that my vagina was a regular Niagara Falls.

Secondly, while I can accept that cramps are part of the first day or two, five days of bending over clutching a heating pad to my abdomen as I cried out for chocolate and soda and ibuprofen was a bit much.  No, it didn't hurt as much as losing the baby, but it was a close enough shadow of that kind of pain that I got to be reminded of the experience multiple times a day.

Finally, I'm pretty sure my head spun around 360 degrees several times.  Sexyhusband tried not to duck in fear around me, but I'm sure it was tough to repress the urge to hide from the scary Bitchmonster that had replaced his wife.

While I'm happy to have passed this important milestone (after this point, when we decide to start "trying" again, it's our choice) it still kind of sucks.  It was a non-stop reminder of what I've lost and while I'm reaching a point of peace with it, blowing through a tampon every two hours, and having to use both a tampon and a pad as the back up safety precaution wasn't exactly helping.

And then tonight, Sexyhusband took me an improv show, where pregnancy ended up the main topic for about a half hour.  I alternated between laughing (because it was pretty amusing) and looking longingly at the door (because seriously, this is what someone in the audience had to yell out for a topic?).  I guess it got a little more under my skin than I'd care to admit, as I was more than a little edgy all the way home.  I feel for him because he was trying to be sweet, and it's hardly his fault that pregnancy ended up the topic, and of course he got the repressed unhappiness over it on the way home.

I've also been avoiding my friend with the almost 6 month old since things started going wrong, even though she had a miscarriage before having him.  I can smile at strange babies these days, but I really am just too much of a coward to handle seeing a baby I know.

In a lot of ways, I thought the D&C was the point where I would mark time, but now I'm starting to believe that this period is.  It's the "real" sign that things are back to "normal" in that it means I'm ovulating, and that my body has gone back to it's regular patterns. 

I just really wish that "normal" didn't mean blood.

Comments

[musns]

Aww honey, I'm soo sorry.

The ink looks awesome, I'm not a foot person, but your feet are sexy as all get out!

[Goldslut]

Oh Sweetie, that sounds so awful. Glad it's out of your system!

Love the pretty pictures.