The Top 10 Reasons to avoid "Pregnancy & Sex" bulletin boards

Being pregnant, I decided to join a website that has info on what's happening this week in the baby's development, articles, and some boards to talk to other expectant parents.  This judgement call, while somewhat questionable, is not a totally crazy one.  I can not, however, defend my decision to go onto the boards and read/post on the sex and pregnancy threads.

I present below, in no particular order, the top 10 reasons why all sex god/desses (such as yourselves, and me, of course) should NEVER EVER EVER go on sex and pregnancy threads on a traditional pregnancy site.

TEN-The men who bitch that they haven't gotten laid in X days/months/years

Seriously.  There are loooooooong threads started by men who haven't gotten laid in a long time asking for "help" to rekindle their sex lives.  Any attempts to actually provide them with help will result in a lecture about how their wife wouldn't accept oral or any kind of sexual touch.  They are only looking to bitch and commiserate with other men who aren't getting any.

NINE-The women who believe their husbands should be grossed out by delivery and never want to fuck them again.

I have one word for a man like this.  Pussy.  Sexyhusband will be in the delivery room (his choice), and will be counting the seconds until I can fuck him again so he can worship the pussy that not only fucks him well but just pushed his child into the world.  Delivery should be a moment of awe and reverence for the power of women, not a revolting horror show that makes you never want to fuck your woman again. 

EIGHT-The women who whine that their sex drive has tanked and they don't want it anymore but their awful husbands want to be sexual.

I will be the first to agree that pregnancy can do a number on your libido.  However, in the event that you don't want to have intercourse, there are these things known as hand jobs and blow jobs.  When those feel like too much work (or your gag reflex is feeling overly sensitive), why not read erotica to him out loud?  Or tell him a sexual fantasy while he jerks off.  Or even just sit there and smile and cuddle your husband while he jerks off?  I realize this is shocking but there are ways to be sexually connected that don't involve intercourse.

SEVEN-Everyone assumes everyone else is straight.

Because bisexual women turn straight once they've got that man juice working its magic in their uterus, and gay women can't get knocked up, duh!  :roll eyes:

SIX-Lube is a bad word

When one woman complained that she wasn't lubricating, I encouraged her towards a good brand of water-based lube.  She was horrified, and explained to me that only harlots would use such a product.

FIVE-Women who think sex will hurt the baby

It's living in a fluid filled sac in your uterus, which is then protected by your stomach muscles, and any fat you might have on your abdomen.  Sex doesn't hurt the baby.  If you are among the miniscule number of women who are high risk and shouldn't be having sex, your doctor will tell you.  Until you hear that, it's safe and it's fun.

FOUR-Women who refuse to have sex with their husbands, and then are furious when the men turn to porn.

I don't even know where to start with this.  You won't fuck your husband.  So your husband decides to watch a special movie with his right hand.  And you get furious.  Would you prefer he fucked someone else outside the house and without your knowledge?

THREE-Women who think getting pregnant turned them into the Virgin Mary

The women who believe that having sex while pregnant is icky.  They see their blessed state as one that should not be despoiled by such dirty things as sex, or farting (A word of advice, for you, Mary....while you can refuse the former, you're gonna do the latter, so get over it already)

TWO-People don't understand your snark

One of the "sex will hurt the baby, right?" women posted that question and I, annoyed as hell, replied that if its safe to do BDSM after the 20th week, vanilla sex was certainly fine.  She then posted 3 replies---what's BDSM, what's vanilla sex, I need a dictionary---which made me want to bang my head against a wall repeatedly.  If you need to ask what vanilla sex is, honey, you're having it.

and the number one reason all sex positive people should stay away from these boards

ONE-You will be come obsessed with the following question---How did such a sex-negative group of people manage to conceive anyways?

The lack of sex positive people on such a board was perhaps the most depressing experience of the past several months (which, really.....is saying something).  I wish that there was a board for people such as us, who are very sex positive who want to talk about sex and pregnancy, and maybe someday there will be, but this isn't the place to look for them.  What I need is a site that talks about doing BDSM safely during pregnancy, the ettiquette of the pregnant threesome, and other useful articles/topics such as those.

I suffered so you don't have to.  Take my advice and stay far far far away from these boards.

Comments

[Tracy]

aphroditewomenshealth.com has some pretty good forums... while i haven't really been in the pregnancy forum.. i know many of the other forums have people who are at least slightly sex-positive.

[Juno Henry]

My pregnancy days are over, but I emember them all too clearly.

DN - you should look for work as a comedy writer. You have a talent far superior to many of today's more established scribes. That whole post had me laughing from start to finish.

I applaud your attitude. As in "stand on my chair, wave banners over my head, whoopin' and a-hollerin'" applaud. Too fuckin' right, mate!

[stacey]

I agree, that was hilarious.

"If you need to ask what vanilla sex is, honey, you're having it."

Haha, I'm still giggling.

[Asrai]

Start your own forum for sexy moms and moms-to-be. OR go to Sex is fun forums and start one. http://greatsexgames.com

[asrai]

Yep, I reread the post. There needs to a sex positive mother's website. I'll help :)

[Musns]

Bwahahahahahahahaha

That was a great way to start my day off.

However, I was amongst some of those comments back in the days (some 10 years ago).

Harlots? WTF?! Someone actually STILL uses that word?!!!!

There has to be a sex positive place for the pregnant women who DO enjoy sex and all the funness involved in it.

My husband wanted to know, what's the difference in having a 3some prior to being pregnant and after.

[Tara Tainton]

Great f'in' post! I think I'd have all the same responses about all those points.... and I dread the day I choose to have a baby and find myself in some grouping of the same type of individuals with very OPPOSITE lifestyles, perspectives, and choices from my own.

Sadly, those are the same sex-negative and even man- or relationship-negative views we see infesting many different groups and majority views. How in the world do we banish them and bring them to the positive light we live in??? :)

xoxo
Tara

[Deliciously Naughty]

Juno--Praise from a blog crush of mine--you've made my day :)

Asrai & Tracey-thanks for the suggestion :)

Musings--the harlot thing was slight comedic license with the woman's reaction which wasn't nearly as entertaining :)

Tara--the best thing I can say is that while you may have to live within those groups, you never have to conform to them. And you can usually find a perv or two to band together with. :)

sorry--I overkilled on the :) today

[Gorgeousmoments]

Sigh, my of your statements sound way too familiar to way too many people I know.

[The Pagan and The Pervert]

As a sexually positive couple the only negative to having given birth 5 weeks ago is the discomfit post ceaser meaning we can't physically have intercourse. (It hurts on penetration.)

It's driving me mad. The lack of sleep I can *almost* cope with but not having had sex in 5 weeks... ARGH!

We maintain our sexual intimacy through the methods you've mentioned. I don't get people who equate marriage or motherhood with celibacy. Personally I've never felt sexier than in the past 9 months.

Pagan.

[Ivy]

A great place for BDSM friendly advice, during pregnancy and outside of it is www.collarme.com
I've just been doing my "Which kinds of kink will be safe to enjoy when I'm pregnant research", and almost all of my information has come from this site.
It's also a personals site, if that's not something you want then just navigate through to the posting boards.
My mother, sister, husband and I all belong all have profiles on collarme. That's one kinky family, and proof that a sex positive upbringing results in sex positive relationships later in life :P