I've been driven to add a new category-Soapbox. Something has been eating at me for a few days that culminated in an incredibly negative experience for me today, and I need to speak out.
So I talked to my doctor about the possibility of Sexyhusband and I starting our family in the next year or three, and wanted to know the risks because of my back surgery last year (will I end up on bed rest because my back can't take it, etc). Her advice was to lose weight (even though it doesn't guarantee anything with regards to my back). I wasn't so sure about this idea, especially since I'm relatively at peace with my body in terms of weight, and I'm working on my eating habits and exercise regimen. But I decided to at least check out my options.
I decided to check out Weight Watchers since they're relatively well regarded for being successful. I walked into a meeting today and was surrounded by negativity and self doubt. Even the posters basically said "you'll be worthwhile when you lose the pounds" and all the "victory" stories read like "I was fat and no one loved me but since I lost 30 pounds everyone does." I looked around at the room, and felt bile rise into my throat. Not to be all New Agey, but there was a seriously negative feel to the room. My body, which I'm generally happy with, began to feel like it was weighing me down. The weekly card you get where they weigh you and note how many pounds you've gained or lost felt mocking and rather like public humiliation (the kind of thing we teachers occasionally do to a kid who never does their homework at we're at the end of our rope with them---"Again, Timmy? Isn't that the fifth assignment in a row you've missed?").
I turned around and walked out, not bothering to stay. No thank you, I won't be drinking the kool-aid.
As I walked out the car, I felt tear well in my eyes, and I felt the old revulsion towards my body rise up like a parasite, eating away at my confidence. After a few minutes, thankfully, the self hatred was replaced by a blazing rage.
I am sick to death of "plus-sized" women beating on themselves. Sick of it to the point where I just want to grab the next fat girl who whines about not being able to get a date or how awful she looks and SLAP her.
As of this second, I weigh 234 pounds-a high for me. I wear a size 22 (occasionally a 20 or a 24) pant and somewhere in the XL to 2X top. I have been buying clothes in the "plus sized" stores since I was in middle/high school, and have spent my twenties in the 200-225 range. I certainly have street cred as a fat chick.
I get the whole body image issue. I understand what it's like to be surrounded by images that reinforce that skinny is the ONLY way to achieve sexiness. I too am horrified by the non-stop parade of faceless fat stomachs above the flashing words "Obesity EPIDEMIC" and have a nightmare that one day it will be me. Occasionally the non-stop message that I will only be worthwhile once I lose weight does get to me, or I see a cute outfit that just isn't available in my size (or attractive on my frame) and I have pangs of desire to lose weight.
My message to my readers (and the world)--When these messages destroy the confidence and self-worth of young women (and men) and they start to hate themselves, we've gone too far.
Yes, there are health issues associated with bad eating habits and extreme weight gain. But you never hear that you can be 220 and healthy as a horse. All you see is the scary word EPIDEMIC (like you can catch it by sitting next to me) flashing on the screen and people running in terror from the word FAT.
You can be fat and be sexy, attractive, and worthwhile. But here's the catch---YOU have to believe it first. And creating that belief in the face of all that negative stereotyping is daunting.
Put down the kool-aid of self hatred and walk away from it.
The idealization of the stick figure is a new concept, and could only happen in a first world wealthy nation like the US. The concept of anorexia and bulimia are unfathomable to your average third world citizen. (Person who doesn't get enough to eat--"You're telling me that they have food, but don't eat it or throw it up? What the fuck is that about?") Historically speaking-extra body mass was proof of your wealth-it mean you could eat.
When you have a bigger body, you have boobs and an ass. Most men like that.
When I stopped hating myself and accepted the radical notion that I could be hot, the world changed for me. When I stopped hiding my body or trying to dress like I was 100 pounds smaller (or 100 pounds larger) than I really was, I began to find looks that worked for me. I gained confidence. With the confidence came the effort to really maintain my hair, the ability to apply makeup, the style to accessorize, and the skill to walk in heels. I had dates when I wanted them, lovers when I wanted them, and significant others.
Ironically, in many ways, my looks helped weed out the idiots of the world. I saw my skinny friends date guys who picked them up because they were stereotypically hot, and then wasted weeks on these losers who never even noticed they had a brain or any substance beyond the hotness. Because I never tried to hide that I was "fluffy" (as one friend calls it), the more shallow guys self selected out of my potential dating pool, and I was left picking between one smart (usually) sexy (usually) guy and another.
As I began to explore the online sex world, I realized exactly how many BBW (big beautiful woman) call girls there are, and they're making money hand over fist. Once you see that, it's hard to say that men don't like big girls. As for bigger guys-I have known very few women who would dump a guy for being fat--being clingy, being possessive, having a ridiculously small dick, being stupid, refusing to have a real job, not treating us well--all valid reasons to dump a guy.
In many ways, the lesson of my almost 30 years on this planet is thus-you get what you expect. Expect to get walked all over, and you will be. Expect to be treated with dignity, and call people on it if you're not, and you will be. Don't hide behind your weight. If you don't like it, do something about it. If, like me, you like your chocolate and your steaks and your heavy foods and aren't willing to go through life on rice cakes and tofu, accept and embrace yourself. Be at peace with yourself-life's too short to waste time on self hatred.
Learn to love yourself, just as you are.
There's no reason you can't be fat and sexy at the same time.
Soapbox over for today.
*applauds* You go, girl - that's exactly how I feel, and I'm glad you're sticking up for yourself.
Be at peace with yourself-life's too short to waste time on self hatred. Absolutely!
I read a bunch of fat-activist blogs, and will be happy to link to you them if you wish.
xx Dee
Posted by: Curvaceous Dee | July 27, 2007 at 01:38 AM
I was being called fat & 'oh is she pregnant' in high school. I was at 145 and wore a size 14. Those incidents destroyed my self-esteem and brought me to where I am today. College on I went from an 18 to a 24 (currently). I lost weight once - total of 40lbs, low carb diet that was dr ordered - what was my incentive you ask? Baby - my husband and I desperately wanted a baby and after trying for a year it didn't happen. Turns out I have PCOS which is also part of my weight issues. The men I am surrounded by, including my husband love me the way I am, admire me, lust after me, make comments that reinforce that I am sexy at this weight. (yes I still want to drop the weight but don't want to give up my chocolate and rare steaks-although I am trying).
Where am I going with this? That we need to reinforce to our younger girls, the ones in middle school and high school, when their self-esteems are at the most fragile, that they are indeed lovely where they are. (okay, I do realize what an adult says has little bearing on teens; but still my opinion remains)
Posted by: Musns | July 27, 2007 at 11:35 AM
Dee-Definitely post the links!
Musings-I totally agree with you. As someone who works with teens, I can tell you that they don't "listen" when we talk at them, but if you repeat something enough times, they'll eventually "hear" you.
Posted by: Deliciously Naughty | July 27, 2007 at 12:40 PM
I'm a long time lurker of your site, but I felt like I had to express my appreciation of this post.
Your body description, and feelings, sound like something I could've written. I too am happy with myself, after years of self deprecation and loathing, and it feels GOOD.
You're awesome. Keep up the good work.
Posted by: stacey | July 27, 2007 at 03:05 PM
Fat can be sexy - yes! But...
...can 'fat' be healthy - especially when contemplating pregnancy?
Posted by: rb83 | July 27, 2007 at 04:07 PM
Stacey-Welcome to the comments thread!
RB83-Thanks for commenting and for putting your concern out there in a respectful manner :)
There are some women who are perfectly healthy with a BMI over 25. I don't have high blood pressure, cholesterol, or any other real health issues. The back surgery last year was a long term result of a high school sports injury and not weight related. Personally, other than that issue, I've historically been extremely healthy and fairly physically fit (prior to re-injuring my back I was doing 90 minutes of exercise 3-5 times a week).
I have had a long discussion with my OB/GYN, who has cleared us to start trying whenever we choose after I finish my current course of physical therapy. I also have read a wide range of books on pregnancy from the classics to books like "Your Plus Sized Pregnancy", all of which basically state that plus sized women should try to gain a few less pounds (15-20 lbs instead of 25-35) and are a slightly elevated risks for certain issues during pregnancy (a 2% chance of a specific birth defect instead of a 1% chance).
I have an OB/GYN who specialized in overweight and high risk pregnancies (not the same thing), so I'm not really concerned.
When it comes to weight and pregnancy, it depends on the woman, and it depends on her doctor. I'm certainly not an expert, and only know what is right for my body.
Posted by: Deliciously Naughty | July 27, 2007 at 05:41 PM
I am currently attending WW and I know exactly what you mean by the feelings in the room. I need the discipline they offer but my already shaky self esteem seems to be getting worse. I have managed to lose 30+ so far and I feel worse about me. It's weird. I only recently made the connection and am working on holding onto the good stuff they offer and reminding myself that I am ok.
Posted by: j | July 27, 2007 at 07:30 PM
An excellent choice of soapbox, Ms. Naughty. I think it's especially important that we reinforce to our young people that they are beautiful and worthwhile just the way they are... and yes, they do listen to us and watch our examples, even if they don't admit it.
Posted by: la fille | July 27, 2007 at 09:03 PM
J-Hugs, darlin. I understand what you mean by the discipline, which was another reason I was attracted to them myself. I'm the sort of person who needs to get a gold star on the calendar every time I go to the gym to motivate myself to keep going (well, that and the fact that my trainer asks me every week-but again-I need the discipline of a trainer). Weight loss isn't easy, period. Good luck, and remember that we think you're sexy.
La Fille-exactly.
Posted by: Deliciously Naughty | July 27, 2007 at 09:37 PM
I am becoming more comfortable with my body the more comfortable I become the sexier I feel which attracts the men who find me sexy which is the cycle I am trying to reinforce within my self belief, I get knocks from time to time but on the whole my belief and therefore my sexiness are increasing.
I have 4 sons two are over weight one average and one skinny yet it is the two who are over weight who are healthier than the others the worst being the skinny one, which makes a nonsense of the theory that it is unhealthy to be over weight.
Posted by: lady in Red | July 28, 2007 at 06:29 AM
The most beautiful and feminine woman I was ever with was about 225 lbs... sexy as hell, soft as butter, and curvy in all the right places. YES! Sexy and fat can go in the same sentence... absolutely! Sexy is more about attitude than body shape. Sexy is sexy, regardless of the box its put in. I'm sure, without a doubt in my mind, that you are sexy as hell, too! Oh, and btw: doesn't it seem counterintuitive to lose weight to get pregnant and gain weight??? Actually, when I had my second baby I weighed about what you weigh and had no problems at all... I had her at home, in just three hours, so I think Doctors are always going to tell you to lose weight - that's the cure all to all of america's health problems.
Posted by: Catalina Ramirez | July 28, 2007 at 08:11 AM
Catalina-as I was reading your comment I had a vision of my doctor looking at me and saying "You've got a cold? Why not lose some weight to see if that helps?" and that made me laugh.
I do agree that there's something seriously counterintuitive in losing weigh to gain weight during a pregnancy. My major concern with pregnancy isn't really weight related, but back related. Having had surgery on a disc in my low back (they removed around 40% of it), I have increased odds of back issues during pregnancy that are present regardless of weight, but higher weight does increase the probability of back problems slightly (then again, I could drop 50 lbs and still end up on bedrest, so....shrug).
Laboring at home?! You're a far braver woman than I.
Posted by: Deliciously Naughty | July 28, 2007 at 09:16 AM
Thank you for a well-written, articulate discussion of fat sexiness. I am currently the largest and curviest I have ever been and have the most wonderful assortment of friends and lovers with whom to spend my time in various fun and delicious activities. Do I love my body unconditionally every day? no. Find me someone who does, and then look for the lobotomy scars. But I know I'm sexy, and knowing it projects it, and makes me feel more sexy from the attention I get... and the marvelous cycle continues.
Doctors are so funny (as in funny odd) about fat patients. I had an unpleasant, bitter gynecologist who forced me off of The Pill because of my weight. I went through months of depression and painful periods over it, and then finally found a great new doctor who told me it was a bunch of crap, and wrote me a prescription. Are there issues and concerns about taking hormones? of course, but if you have a doctor you trust and who is monitoring the potential problems, there is no reason a fat woman can't be on The Pill. so the eternal medical advice, get a second opinion.
Can we find a better term than BBW? I was so happy to find it once upon a time, but am finding it getting very tired. I like Fat Slut myself, but then I am very slut-identified. Any ideas?
Oh, and any Fat Sluts/BBWs/Big Girls out there in the NYC area? I know the greatest new boutique for clothing for us, with an amazing range of prices and styles, and you get treated like the princess you are. Email me for details. goldslut [at] gmail [dot] com
xo GS
Posted by: Goldslut | July 28, 2007 at 01:00 PM
Oh - another comment, quickly, DN.
I have found that during each of my pregnancies (each one starting at various weights - from 200 to 230) - I lost weight in the first trimester with EVERY one. Couple were due to awful morning sickness, one was because I ate much more healthy than I ever did and the last was....I don't know why. Just did.
There's a good chance you'll drop a bit once you are pregnant...clearing the way for gaining more than 15-20lbs. My last one, I gained a total of 20, with the weight loss. Ended up smaller after the baby was born than before I had started. (I'm right back to the original weight now)
Posted by: Musns | July 29, 2007 at 03:12 PM
There's so little i can add, and yet... there is one thing i must say.
When i started reading you, i was hooked immediately, and I loved every word, but i would never have thought that, like myself, you are a sexy and beautiful woman of size. You write like a sex-bomb and i fell into that trap of assuming.
Yes, I am an ass.
When i discovered (from your series of posts of your sexploits and misbehaviour in SF) that you were a BBW, i applauded and hollered "Comrade!"
And this post -- well, it fair had me dancing around the room. Catalina and Goldslut are both right, but to quote Catalina: "Sexy is more about attitude than body shape. Sexy is sexy, regardless of the box it's put in."
Amen, sisters. And keep the faith. I'm not a candidate for lobotomy, but i do hope to be able to one day banish forever the feelings of self-doubt that haunt me still.
Brava, DN. You're now my friend for life (like you weren't already).
Juno x
Posted by: Juno Henry | July 29, 2007 at 05:45 PM
I've been a chubby chaser as long as I can remember. Fat *is* sexy - my current wife is a large, luscious BBW and I've loved every minute of it!
I have had my share of girlfriends who beat themselves up because of their size. It was always those that were confident in themselves and felt that they were sexy that always attracted me the most.
You are so right - sexy is all about attitude!
Posted by: chris | July 31, 2007 at 12:13 PM
While I applaud your ability to be at peace with your body and your weight, being overweight is what it is: unhealthy. Unless you're 6'00" the weight that you listed in your post is unhealthy. While its unhealthy now, wait until you've gained another 30 - 40 pounds from a pregnancy. It will put your health as well as the health of your child at risk for a whole boatload of complications during and after your pregnancy. Don't like what your doctor said about your weight? Get a second opinion (or third, fourth, etc.) but I have a feeling you will be told the same thing over and over.
I'm getting off my soapbox now.
Posted by: uhavegot2bkidn | July 31, 2007 at 02:11 PM
Juno--I hope you'll pardon that I made the exact same assumption about YOU!
Chris-thank you for sharing-I'd like to share you comment with every girl I've seen beat herself up. It's one thing to hear us women chime in, and an entirely different one to hear from a guy. Kudos.
Uhave--Firstly, while there's some degree of snark present, I do want to thank you for expressing your views in a non-troll way. You are welcome to your opinion, but seem to have missed several key issues.
1-My weight was not a medical issue until I had back surgery due to a disc herniation. That disc herniation was unrealted to my weight. It was caused when I hurt my back when I was 16 years old and within 20 pounds of my ideal weight.
2-I could weight 100 pounds less and still have a hellish third trimester because of the fact that I have only 50-60% of a disc between my L5 and S1 bones in my spine. Should I carry low, I'm pretty much screwed in terms of low back pain regardless of my weight.
3-The post had very little to do with my specific weight, and EVERYTHING to do with confidence. No one should be so controlled by their looks that they forget that there's a person underneath who is intelligent, vibrant, and sexy. Being at war with yourself only makes you and everyone around you unhappy.
Posted by: Deliciously Naughty | July 31, 2007 at 02:47 PM
*Giggles*
I did not mean to be snarky. I only wanted to point out weighing less is better for your health and the health of your unborn child.
If you will notice I did not mention anything about how much you weigh vs. how sexy you are/feel.
I feel we are talking about 2 different issues here.
Posted by: uhavegot2bkidn | July 31, 2007 at 03:19 PM
I love your post ... I was right on board from the very first paragraph. Except when I got to the what-kind-of-guy-is-ok-to-dump part. I feel compelled to respond, very very gently. Meekly even, as I do not want to detract from what is otherwise in my opinion an excellent post.
I don't have a dick, but if I did and it happened to be on the wee side, I guess if I became aware that I was dumped for that and only that reason, I would feel pretty bad. I might feel discriminated against in the way that large people are so often discriminated against. I've been f*cked by dicks of all sizes, and I know that it does make a difference, but it doesn't make *all* the difference. Just my way off topic penny. I'll get back to just admiring your way with words now ...
Posted by: engrailed | July 31, 2007 at 05:13 PM
ugot2be-I will concede that you have a point. I just didn't want to get too far off the topic of the post, which is to emphasis self love regardless of size.
engrailed-Thank you for your comments and praise. The small dick thing was a moment of levity/snark. Although it is perhaps worth noting that if your lover can't please you, and you value that highly, the relationship is doomed. The guy I lost my virginity to had a very small dick, but I dumped him for being a Dick. ;)
Posted by: Deliciously Naughty | July 31, 2007 at 11:10 PM
Wonderfully put.
Posted by: Bunny | August 01, 2007 at 11:29 AM
I just have to say that this post found its way to me (I rarely read Sugasms anymore, but someone pointed that one out to me) and within minutes you were added to my blogroll. Insightful, soapy-sexy, and definitely showing some attitude that I am trying to instill in myself. Thanks for writing it.
Posted by: Ang | August 01, 2007 at 09:30 PM
*claps*
Posted by: GuyPassingThrough | August 02, 2007 at 03:06 AM
I've been encouraging all the women I know to think of fat, not as something you ARE but as something you HAVE.
Yeah, I have some fat, but it's not my defining characteristic. Not anymore than my dining room chairs or my freckles are.
Posted by: Samantha | August 02, 2007 at 06:59 AM
you just became my new favorite person...
i can't wait to be that confident--it's a long time coming, but I know I'll get there.
and as far as the pregnancy thing goes--my sister-in-law was considered an "unhealthy" weight with her first child before hand (she's about 5 foot--so anything over 120 is unhealthy for that height) and once she had the baby she dropped from about 160 to 110, and has never gone back up. I don't believe in BMIs, because they are generalized...I'm 250 and I doubt I"ll ever be less than 200 pounds in my life, no matter how hard I try, I'm just built big--but I'm still healthier than my mother who weighs 80 pounds less than me and nearly as healthy as my cousins who run five to ten miles a day.
I probably shock my doctors, but never once has any of them ever told me that i need to lose weight after they've examined me.
Okay, off my soapbox...you're so added to my blogroll! Thanks for brightening my day!
Posted by: Rae | August 02, 2007 at 12:13 PM
I applaud your position. My wife had exactly your attitude and that is what attracted me to her.
I want to mention one tool that can help you as it has helped her. It's called the LapBand (http://www.lapband.com) and can help you eat less by creating a smaller stomach.
She's a few months out from surgery and is closing in on 80lbs down. She primarily did this to get to a healthy weight before we had kids.
Just wanted to let you know that you're right and offer a bit of our experience.
K
Posted by: K | August 02, 2007 at 10:54 PM
Sorry. The correct link is http://lap-band.com
Posted by: K | August 02, 2007 at 10:55 PM
I've been plus sized (fluctuating from Size 12 to 20)since high school. I've only recently developed a self confidence I never knew I had once I convinced myself I am sexy and do deserve to be loved no matter what weight I am. I wish I believed this all along but my upbringing didn't help. It would've caused me less grief growing up and through my 20's.
Once I did come out of my shell I suprisingly did start meeting some very attractive men that I never thought I'd meet because of my size. On the down side, I have to weed through the guys who have extreme fat fetishes. =/
Posted by: jeanie | August 04, 2007 at 01:54 PM
This is an awesome post. I'm glad I found this blog.
Posted by: KC | August 04, 2007 at 09:07 PM
This was a great post. This is my first time at your blog and I'll definitely be coming back!
Posted by: AlwaysCurious | August 05, 2007 at 02:04 PM
Bravo!!!! This is a fantastic post and I agree with your sentiments although I am still learning to love my body as it is. I find that I feel more sexy now than I ever did when I was 19 and tiny. I am starting to see that my hangups are MINE, and I'm the only one who is bothered by it.
Posted by: Bad Bad Girl | August 07, 2007 at 04:15 PM
Thank you for the refreshing post! As someone very near your own dimensions, I've often gone through the same range of emotions. Looking back on my life, I've never ever been happy with my body, not when I was 18 and a size 5 and not now. Ironically, I'm currently at my heaviest and I like myself better now than I ever have. Society is a sick, sick creature when it makes us hate our bodies no matter how fat or thin they actually are.
Posted by: Gabby Smith | August 07, 2007 at 08:08 PM
Thank you, thank you, thank you! I am fat and I am sick of women my size being made to feel like we're not sexy and will never be sexy!
I've had a great deal of self esteem issues that have been related to my weight, even when I wasn't this big I still thought that I was big fat and unattractive.
I've found that time and time again, men are willing to go for women my size and it's not all about the stick thin girls.
Also, thanks for mentioning that big people can still be healthy! I weigh well over 200 pounds but I just had a physical and even my doctor said there is nothing wrong with me!
Posted by: Bianca | August 08, 2007 at 05:47 PM
I found your site while visiting another site that I found at blogher. Anway, you are my new SHERO! I love this post and I will be back as a regular. I love this! Now this is Grown and Sexy! Big Girls Rule!
Love,
Babz
www.lovebabz.com
Posted by: Lovebabz | August 11, 2007 at 08:33 PM
Best blog I've read in a long time D! I'm about the same size as you and I've never lacked for a partner.
If you haven't you should read a book called "Fat! So?" - great book that rips apart the myths of being fat. I was fat through both of my pregnancies and both times my doctor told me I was one of the healthies women - pregnant or not - that he'd ever seen. Why? Because I eat properly, I move my ass regularily and I love myself. What more do you need?
Posted by: Autumn Seave | August 12, 2007 at 03:50 PM
I was 198 pounds when I got pregnant for my son, 226 when I delivered him and he was a healthy 9 pounds when he was born on-time. My doctor never said one word about my weight, except for the time I mentioned trying to keep my weight gain down because I was heavy to begin with and she told me not to even worry about it- I had plenty of time to lose weight afterwards, that for now I just needed to focus on eating when I was hungry. I am now 183 and a size 18 about a year later and having a hard time- I look in the mirror and start thinking that I look cute, then I go to the store and I can't fit into 3/4 of what I try on and I turn bright red and hate my body and feel the self-hatred rising back up. Thank you very much for this post- I really have trouble believing that I can be sexy, so it's nice to have another woman tell me that I most certainly can be.
Posted by: Julie | August 12, 2007 at 06:45 PM
Oh, and I forgot to mention that I never had one issue during my pregnancy- my blood pressure was fantastic and I passed my GD test with flying colors despite the fact I didn't realize I was taking it that day and had eaten more carbs than they recommend the day of the test.
Posted by: Julie | August 12, 2007 at 06:47 PM
Ya, I am sick of feeling like shit. I am 175 lbs. and 5'3" so I am considered obese by about 35 lbs. BUT I run 3 times a week, ride my bike to work and I am a fucking VEGAN and I still weigh between 175 and 183 on a regular basis. I just DO and I was always a sturdy kid who weighed alot more than my sisters and cousins even though i didn't look that much bigger (I have really muscular legs and wonder if that makes a big difference).
Even when I've struggled my way down to 155ish I was still a size 14 - I just have womanly hips! Why shouldn't I?!
I am perfectly healthy but my parents have ALWAYS made comments about my weight (starting at age 10) and told me to just eat less like my sisters (who both have eating disorders) and that I could have a breast reduction if i wanted one so i could look smaller!
So now I am still so fucked up I don't allow myself to wear sleeveless shirts or shorts. But I am able to not cry a couple times a week because i hate the way i look with the help of my husband. He has been a big part of me learning to see myself as beautiful and he doesn't let me talk shit about myself.
Posted by: Virginia | August 13, 2007 at 01:25 PM
my guy has a condition that makes him somewhat abnormally tall and thin, and he was always self conscious about it. But I think he's beautiful even if many people find him somewhat unusual looking. What I hate is the "odd couple" comments about us. What makes us such an "odd couple?" We love each other, don't we?
He is 6'4" and 185 pounds. I am 5'5" and I am currently 241 pounds (have lost 6)
He has always loved me as I am. He has never seen me thin except in pictures. I expected him to say he'd like to see me get back to that weight but he never has. And he's still all over me after nearly 2 years together so there must be an attraction! ;-p
The decision to lose some weight was my own. Not because of how my body looks, actually, though I've never quite accepted that. It was how my face looked in recent photos that I didn't like, although a good friend says that I have great features. Maybe my sight is distorted when it comes to myself but I think my features look better when I weigh about 100 pounds less. And I thought I was fat then--ack! I really have some self image problems. I also thought I was fat at 130 pounds and with a 26 inch waist!
I have a fairly big bone structure for my height and thus will probably weigh slightly more than most women of the same height even when at an "optimal" weight. I wish I had learned to accept this a long time ago and told that stupid little fuck that I was so hung up on back in high school that if I needed to lose weight for him to be with me he wasn't a man. (I weighed 130 pounds at the time--stupid little punk!)
It is a tough fight for us bigger women. I have PCOS too and have underactive thyroid. It must be my thyroid that makes me so hungry because it's gone into revolt since I've started dieting again--dry, scaly patches on my face. Sexy! Sometimes I think I just can't win.
Posted by: Lily | August 16, 2007 at 01:18 PM
Hate to break it to you, but 234 pounds IS obese.
Posted by: tara | August 24, 2007 at 06:19 AM
Dear everyone--
Thanks again for all your wonderful comments. Sexyhusband has been teasing me that this post deserves its own blog, some sort of "stop hating your body, fat can be beautiful" site. If only I had the time, I'd love to. This is not to say I want to fetishize fat, but rather promote acceptance of who you are, and should you wish to make changes, doing so in a healthy way that is still respectful of your inner beauty.
Be healthy, be happy
hugs
DN
Posted by: Deliciously Naughty | August 24, 2007 at 12:14 PM
I realized this is a tad late, but wanted to say kudos for this post. When I met the love of my life, I weighed more than I weigh now and I loved my shape, size, everything and so did he. I had just lost about 30 pounds and was feeling great. Compliments just kept rolling. Now, I've been muddling around 205 for 3 months and just felt down about it. I never dieted to lose that weight. I just got happy with myself and I ate better and did more and it fell off. Things working in tandem, when I felt worse, my weight stayed the same. I'm more than that number though. I'm more than my weight and no one has ever stopped loving or liking me because of the scale except for me. Thanks for this post...I'm on the rise of feeling and finding ME again and this came right on time.
I will add that I agree with another poster that said in pregnancy, P/S women tend to lose or stay the same. I wore my jeans throughout both pregnancies for the first 7 months and had perfectly healthy babies. I wish you the best!
Posted by: FeelaBustier | September 23, 2007 at 01:56 PM
Feela-it's never too late to comment :)
There's a lot to be said for what happens naturally when we get happy with ourselves. Personally I've noticed that my negative habits become more prominent when I'm unhappy or stressed, and when I'm happy, I tend to be healthier in all aspects of my life.
Posted by: Deliciously Naughty | October 03, 2007 at 09:47 PM
My wonderful hubby sent me this blog entry today, he had saved it to send to me - then it got lost in the e-mail shuffle (he cleaned his inbox this AM)
My mother called me fat when I hit 145 at 5'6". She is repulsed at me at 240 - but ya know what, that's just part of her whole negative attitude and she's not part of my life now anyhow.
I was 145 or (significantly) less until I had my first child at 23. Ya know what, I got checked out just as much at post-pregnancy weight of 185 as I did at 135 ... but the interest was more genuine.
I'm happily married to man who gives two poohs about my weight - he likes COIVES! He and I would both like me to get back in shape to be more active, but that's not a weight issue.
Regarding how I got to my present weight; Stress. Stress makes your body hold on to fat as a means of survival - our bodies are still thinking on hunting/gathering mode and stress = lack of food.
I went from 185 to present weight of 240 over four years of extreme day to day stress. In that time my activity level did not decrease, nor did my eating habits at all increase (in fact, when most upset I have a hard time eating at all!).
Since that stress has been driven from my life I have plateaued at 240. Thankfully I have large tits to balance out the ass.
Girls like us are not fat - we are ABUNDANT!
Posted by: Ursa | November 25, 2007 at 01:24 PM
Ursa-you make an excellent point about stress. I'm jealous of your breasts--I'm a B cup, so I end up more pear-shaped. I'd love a little more on top to blaance everything out and create some nummy cleavage. But unless the boob fairy makes an overdue reappearance, I'll have to settle for ogling those with generous breasts :)
Posted by: Deliciously Naughty | November 26, 2007 at 11:47 PM
I'm a bit late in commenting but this post and comments were enormously satisfying to read.
Speaking as a 'well rounded' woman.. I enjoy the looks I get when I step outta the house. Like Ursa said, "the interest was (is) more genuine".
Keep up the good work DN on your blog. It's pure satisfaction to read. ;)
Posted by: Angie | November 27, 2007 at 09:11 PM
Naughty,
You sound a lot like my wife! She is 5'5" and around 220, with small C cups. With her body, she hates the size of her tits, but she is happy that I like her they way she is.
Posted by: Rizzo | December 01, 2007 at 04:59 AM
I have a new girlfriend who could be described as fat, she is a lovely 5ft 2in, 38d with a tummy and a beautiful booty. Now I haven't been with lady like this before,last night was our first time together and it was fantastic. I am a big guy too so we had a few problems connecting but we got there!! No more thinnie's for me.
Posted by: Kissyfur | December 29, 2007 at 07:02 PM
Sometimes it is easy to get political and angry about these issues, but at other times I just feel so alone. It is a nice idea that guys can look past the way you look and love you for what's inside, but I have to say that most of the bigger women I know are single. I can't help feeling hopeless about my prospects of ever being anything other than a single woman if I stay the size I am. I don't want to be trying to fit someone else's image, but the idea of being single the rest of my life is pretty scary and a pretty big motivator to try to conform, even if the attempts are unsuccessful.
But be proud of your courage to make the decision and take the stand that you have.
Posted by: Rose_coloured | March 26, 2008 at 05:48 PM