Deliciously Naughty

3 years...

November 28, 2006...I finished my NanoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) novel and took a deep breath, realizing I had written more than 50,000 words in one month.  It had been two years since I had done any major writing, and I didn't want to stop and fall into a dry spell like I had in 2004 when I had gotten too busy with my first real teaching job.  I was on medical leave from my job at the time due to back surgery, and I was trying to reconnect sexually with Sexyhusband.  So in the late hours of 11/28/06 I began to work on a blog, and at 1am on 11/29/09 I published my very first entry.  I wrote two other entries that night; one on the then recently appointed head of family planning (who ended up stepping down less than a year later) and one recounting my experiences at a Canadian strip club a few weeks previous.

I had no expectations of what DN would turn into, and I certainly didn't know that I'd be writing this entry three years later.

My first year, I wrote a Best of the Blog Year One entry,

The second year (a bit late) I did the same; Best of the Blog, Year Two

My third year as a sexblogger found me in the very murky territory of being a sex blogger who wasn't having a lot of sex, or spending a lot of energy thinking about sex.  In fact, the LM was still in the hospital on the second anniversary of the blog.  And while I don't want to blame a (now) toddler for my lack of interest in blogging, the truth is that becoming a mom, especially a mom to a "special needs" kid takes a toll (she was deathly ill at a week of age, and there has been a great deal of fallout from that in the last year--the good news is that she's in great shape now, and testing above her age range in everything, but she still needs to be monitored by a team of almost 10 different specialists).  Like most people when I divert a great deal of energy to deal with a crisis in my life, my sex drive pays the price.  I also spent about six months of this past year on Zoloft, which lowered my libido.

However, the year hasn't been all bad, either.  I became the sex and parenting columnist for Carnal Nation. 

Upon reflection, the best things I wrote this year were about being a parent and being sexual.  They were the most honest and most genuine.

The thing I struggle with most these days is what to talk about here.  I'm being paid to talk about sex and parenting at Carnal Nation so I hesitate before writing about it here.  I have stories, but am not generally in a place to write about them when it comes to writing red hot sexual adventures material.  I'm really interested in sex and politics, but I'm not sure how many of you are interested in continuing to read my very predictable views on abortion and gay marriage.  

I've tried setting up a schedule and I planned to do NaNo...I've failed at both.  But I don't want to write about that, because I'm sick and tired of writing apologies and excuses.

For now DN will continue, but expect the blog to evolve and change as I figure out what I want to do here, and how I want to talk about sex and parenting here without shooting myself in the foot with regards to column material over at Carnal Nation.

For now, allow me to present...

Best of the Blog, Year 3 (2008-2009)

December 2008

• Sexuality Post-Birth  I wrote this before the exhaustion and the Zoloft kicked in.  I included it because I love who that girl was...so optimistic.
• Between a Rock and a Handjob  I picked this because of the honesty.  I write about feeling like I was failing at being a mom and a sexual partner.

February/March 2009

I published the first 10 chapters of Haunted Dreams (my novel in progress) on the blog...

• Prologue
• Chapter 1
• Chapter 2
• Chapter 3
• Chapter 4
• Chapter 5
• Chapter 6
• Chapter 7
• Chapter 8
• Chapter 9
• Chapter 10

For what it's worth...is anyone still interested in seeing more of this?  I've thought about scrapping it lately, and if anyone thinks it's worth finishing, please speak up.

March 2009

• Ask DN #1  How do you teach a guy to be good in bed?

April 2009

• Ask DN #2 BDSM for Newbies

May 2009

• Anyone looking for a guy to Marry?  A website on the back of a car gave me something to laugh about for weeks.

July 2009

This was when I stopped trying to keep my identities as a sexual being a parent separate from each other and began talking about sex as a parent.  This is what led to my column and my growing comfort as a parent who's sexual, and who blogs about that sexuality.

• Being a new mom (the immediate aftermath) and a handjob in the hospital 
• A hospitalized child does not make for a sex of overly sexual parentsPPD and sex drive
• PPD and its effect on sex drive
• Sex in front of the baby...not as weird as I thought it would be
• Didn't I used to be kinky?

September 2009

• Reproductive Freedom  I talk about why I chose to volunteer at a women's clinic

October 2009

• Feel the Love  My response to the JP who wouldn't marry an interracial couple as a member of a interracial couple.

November 2009

• Why it sucks to be a poor woman today  Discussing the Stupak amendment in the House's Healthcare bill.

Who's Nailin' Paylin? Review

In the spirit of Sarah Palin's "book" coming out this past week, I thought I would take a moment to review the porn movie "Who's Nailin' Paylin?"

It's a toss up as to whether either piece of work could be construed as "entertainment;" both would serve well in leiu of waterboarding.  Personally I'd rather be waterboarded than sit through the movie or read/listen to the entire book (especially if Palin herself was reading it).

Lisa Ann does a decent Palin impersonation, although not nearly as good as Tina Fey's, but she was hardly hired for her comedic timing. 

The movie opens with "Paylin" sitting on her couch in Alaska when there's a knock at the door.  (Sidebar, why is it always a knock at the door?)  She opens the door to find two Russian soldiers.  Their "car has broken down" (camera pans to a Russian tank with some smoke coming out of it) and they want to call home.  They sit on the couch (possibly pull out a bottle of vodka...I lost track of the stereotypes pretty quickly) and start saying cheesy lines like "I want to rearrange the alphabet so that u and i are together" and then the three have sex.

That's about as far as I made it before I couldn't take it anymore and ended up switching to a bizzare and dark porn called "Throat: A cautionary tale" which I'll review later.

So, if you're looking for bad porn...or maybe just something to punish your spouse with...I'd recommend "Who's Nailin' Paylin".  Otherwise, save your cash and your orgasms for better fare.

Belle de Jour is a Cancer Scientist

One of the most widely read sex blogs of all time, Belle de Jour has always had a secret; the identity of the author.  Her books were all written without direct contact between her and the publishers, and were the inspiration for the "Diary of a Call Girl" series on Showtime.

Today she was unmasked as Dr. Brooke Magnanti, a 32-year old developmental neurotoxicology and cancer epidemiology specialist at the Bristol Initiative for Research of Child Health.

While I was never a huge fan of Belle's, I do have to say I'm doing a little dance at her unmasking.  Because she's been revealed as the exact opposite of everyone's stereotypes about call girls.  While I've known several escorts myself and have been railing against the stereotypes for years, there has never been such a public figure to point to and say "Yes, the sex trade can be harmful for some women, but for plenty it's not." 

Thanks for coming out and especially for showing the world that smart girls like sex too.

Why it sucks to be a poor woman today especially

While I am thrilled to see us moving toward national health care, I am disgusted that we're going to throw women, especially poor women under the bus to do it. 

The Stupak Amendment

As drafted, the measure denied the use of federal subsidies to purchase abortion coverage in policies sold by private insurers in the new insurance exchange, except in cases of incest, rape or when the life of the mother was in danger. (source The Huffington Post)

Allow me to share an important statistic with you...

Overall unintended pregnancy rates have stagnated over the past decade, yet unintended pregnancy increased by 29% among poor women while decreasing 20% among higher-income women.  It also increased disproportionately among Black and Latina women. (Source Guttmacher Institute.)

So basically if you are among the most likely candidates to need the government subsidized insurance policies, you are also in the highest risk group for unintended pregnancy.  And rather than have the option of a perfectly legal and safe medical procedure, you will be screwed again. 

An abortion costs about $500.  For some women, that is more than they make in a month.  If you make minimum wage, which is 7.25 an hour and are lucky enough to work 40 hours a week, you're clearing 290 a week before taxes.  Most likely it's closer to $203 after taxes, which we'll call $200 for ease of math.  That's 800 a month.  An abortion is then 63% of your monthly take home pay for that month.  Where are you going to get that money?  Working a full time job at minimum wage is not a worst case scenario, either...in many cases I've dealt with, it's a BEST case scenario.

Let's talk about real reasons women get abortions....(source Guttmacher Institute)  Women could (and did) cite more than one reason, so it doesn't add up to 100%

A--The I already have kids and can't take care of another one---I empathize here.  In fact, personally I have a lot more respect for these moms than I do for the ones I met when teaching in an urban school district who just kept popping them out with different dads every few kids.  I don't care what Octo-mom says or what the Duggars say...there is a limit to how many kids you really can give individualized attention to, and one of your jobs as a parent is to know when to stop having kids.  Your first responsibility is to the kids you already have.  If you have too many kids, it's time to think about permanent birth control (Earth to Michelle Duggar...your vagina isn't meant to be a clown car--19 is TOO MANY CHILDREN).  This is the most common reason cited when women are asked why they're having an abortion.  74% say it's obligation to others.  69% say it's because a baby would interfere with school/employment or ability to care for other dependents.  38% cited being done with childbearing.

B-I can't afford a baby right now--Those right to lifers who want us to keep our unborn children?  Where are they when it comes time to raise them?  Because if I recall correctly they're usually the ones railing against welfare moms, calling them leeches and voting against programs like Schip which would have given insurance to poor kids.  As the child of a single mom who grew up on welfare, I can honestly say that the best thing my mom for me was to not have another child...  Had I gotten pregnant in college I would have had an abortion without a second thought.  I had to declare bankruptcy, something that's only coming off my credit report in the next year, so I could finish school...you bet your ass I would have had an abortion to stay in school and avoid the kind of renting a trailer, working at Burger King, buying my kid's "good" clothes and shoes at Kmart because we had to.  73% say it's because they can't afford a child.  69% say it's because a baby would interfere with school/employment or ability to care for other dependents.

C--Abusive Partners--in the case of the abusive partner, they need an abortion that they can claim was a miscarriage (I've seen it and anyone who's worked at a clinic can tell you this is an all too common story).  They can't suddenly make 500 dollars disappear from the money, especially if the partner controls the purse strings (which they often do).  We make sure that what they wouldn't prefer is to keep the baby and get their asses to a women's shelter, but all to often you can't change their mind.  They know that they don't want to bring a baby into an abusive home, but just can't get out themselves (volumes about the psychology of this have been written) 48% Cite being a single parent or relationship problems

D--The partner left them--The boyfriend who promised to marry them and help them raise the baby when they told them about the baby decides a few weeks later that no, they'd rather be young and party.  The woman thinks about it and does not want to be a single mom or can not raise a child on her own for whatever reason (I need to finish college, I already have three kids, whatever) and needs an abortion. 48% Cite being a single parent or relationship problems

E--This pregnancy was an unwanted accident.  Sometimes you're done having kids and use alternative birth control.  Sometimes it fails and you get pregnant and you don't want any more kids.  So you have an abortion.  38% cited being done with childbearing.

People like Stupak just don't think when they think about abortion.  It's all emotion or calculated pandering to his base.  It has nothing to do with the real life experiences and rationales of the real women who are going to clinics every day.  Because they just don't care.

Here's the thing.  Republicans are bitching about how much health insurance for all will cost...  You want to save money?  COVER ABORTIONS.  $500 is a hell of a lot cheaper than the cost of a woman's prenatal care and delivery plus 18 years of care for the child. 

Healthcare Reform - Salon.com

The House of Representatives took a historic step on Saturday night, passing the Democrats' healthcare reform bill and bringing supporters closer to passing the first major overhaul of the U.S. health in almost half a decade. As the time allotted for the vote expired, cheers and applause broke out on the floor of the House.

via www.salon.com

While I'm excited to see healthcare reform move towards reality, I am beyond pissed that it will thanks to throwing women and reproductive freedom under the bus.

Thanks party of choice...I'm feeling the warm fuzzies for you right now

New Column at Carnal Nation...

Why I wish you'd stop calling my kid pretty...

click over at Carnal Nation to see why.

The problems with buying porn overseas

Even when it says all regions, it may not play on your DVD player at home...

Which is why Sexyhusband bought a new DVD player at Target this past weekend...specifically to play the porn we bought in the UK.  The jury is still out on whether this is amusing, sad, or just a *headdesk* moment....

It will probably depend on the merits of said porn....

You better be worth it, Sex Actually

Maine voters repeal gay-marriage law - Boston.com

At issue was a law passed by the Maine Legislature last spring that would have legalized same-sex marriage. The law was put on hold after conservatives launched a petition drive to repeal it in a referendum.

via www.boston.com

Fuck you Maine and all the bigots who live there...including all the relatives of mine that voted against marriage equality.

Maine Question 1...too close to call

As of the last tally, 38% of the votes are in and there is a 200 vote lead to save gay marriage.  It is too close to call.  200 votes out of 225,000 are all that are saving civil rights.

I am furious.

Civil rights are not something that we should be voting on.  It disgusts me to my core that we are allowing people to decide that some people get to be more equal than others.

I feel like I'm living in a George Orwell novel and I am frightened to go to bed because I don't know if I want to know what world I'm going to wake up to in the morning. 

UPDDATE----Louisiana justice who refused interracial marriage resigns - CNN.com

STORY HIGHLIGHTSKeith Bardwell resigns in person at Louisiana secretary of state's office, official saysBardwell refused to marry couple after he found they were of different racesThey filed federal lawsuit; Louisiana governor called for Bardwell to resign

via www.cnn.com

Happy Birthday Little Mistress and NaNo

You might be interested to know that a certain LM has turned one recently!

While I don't talk about her much here, she has transformed so much in this past month from a teeny infant unable to hold her head up to a walking (god help me) talking (sort of) toddler.  It has been a truly astounding and humbling experience.  One of the saddest parts for me about keeping DN and my real life identity separate is that I can't share a picture of the little girl she has become with you.  If you've been a good blog friend/long time commenter (Christina, Juno, etc) email me and I'll send you one privately...

*******

In other news, we are into November.  I have accepted the NaNo challenge, but put my own twist on it.  My goal is to add 50k words to the novel.  For those who haven't read the Prologue and 10 current posted chapters, start here.  As I finish chapters, I will publicly post them and each Monday I'll post how many words I've been able to add to keep myself honest and accountable.  With luck I'll have a full first draft by the end of the month.

Barriers to abortion rise, even in Brookline - The Boston Globe

A REMINDER: Abortion is still legal in the United States. And yet, 36 years after Roe v. Wade, a safe, legal abortion is harder and harder to obtain. Regulation and intimidation have sharply reduced the number of clinics, doctors, and hospitals willing to engage in the procedure, or medical schools to train the next generation of providers. Today, it is not possible to obtain a legal abortion in 87 percent of US counties.

via www.boston.com

This is my backyard, and at the crux of the problem? The protesters. That the protesters will make daily life in the neighborhood unpleasant, bring down property values, etc.

The day you don't allow women access to legal procedures because you're frightened of property values being affected by crazy whackjobs chanting nonsense about some dude called "satan" and carrying posters covered with lies (to the protester with the sign that the heart starts beating at 20 days--nope, closer to 40) is the day that we have truly given in to the cosmetic problems as opposed to the real problems.

This is a town we have thought about buying a home in. Good schools, close to public transit, and very liberal values. I hope that as I watch this story develop they don't give me a reason to cross them off my list.